Life with Uncle Dave

I've moved

2007-02-19T23:47:00.000-06:00

As I have told you I would in a previous blog entry I have moved to my own web site. You can find my blog @ http://www.dncramer.com/BLOG/

Come see it!

Uncle Dave

Stuff

2007-02-18T13:58:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow my nephew Dale is going to come over and teach me how to use the new blog on my own web site. After I have added some of this, the old blog to the new I will swap over and start using the new one exclusively. I have no idea how long that will take so I have no idea when it will be finished. Once it is done I will let you all know.

I go back to the doctors on Tuesday to get poked, prodded, forced to swallow horrible stuff and scanned by some sort of cat. They really know how to show a guy a good time down there in Birmingham. The biggest problem I have these days is breathing. It’s not that I can’t breath, it is just much more difficult than it should be. Makes for an interesting life. A close second to breathing is I am having the chest pains again. Not near as bad as they were before the trip to the hospital, but still worrisome. I am beginning to think I am going to have to die and get reincarnated to get it right. Hope not, but maybe.

J. Edgar Dogg is laying over in his crate napping. He does that a lot, but who can blame him, it is this house’s favorite recreational activity. We both like to nap whenever we get a chance. Neither of us have been doing much lately, besides a short walk every day which by the way is much less eventful since we got Dogg trained not to pull me around like a rag doll. This was accomplished via a device called a choke collar. As it only chokes him when he jerks on the leash he learned very quickly not to do that. Walks are much better now.

Well, I am thinking that Dogg has the right idea and Sunday afternoon is a good time for a nap, so bye for now.

Uncle Dave

Lebanon

2007-02-11T16:35:00.000-06:00

When I was a junior in high school I took a Sociology class. Most of the students were seniors there to get an easy passing grade to pad their report card. I was there pretty much by chance myself as it was the only class I could get to fill an empty slot if I was going to get into the Calculus class I really was interested in.

Most of the Sociology students just skated by doing the minim necessary get out of class alive. Truth be told the reason it was easy to get an easy grade was that the instructor was trying to keep the one class he had left in the subject of his life’s true passion alive. He did however try to make it interesting for those of us with real curiosity about the subject. This came in the form of special projects or reports we could do for extra credit. The special projects generally required teams and as there were not enough people in class to make up a team who gave a damn I opted for the reports on subjects where I had a special interest.

The only one I really remember was on the country of Lebanon. It required me to acquire first hand knowledge of the country, it’s people, customs and industry. I did this by looking up the Lebanese Consulate in the phone book, making an appointment and going into downtown Los Angeles on a Saturday morning to interview the Consul.

I found that at that time (1966) Lebanon’s population was made up of about half Muslim and half Christians with a smattering of other religions of no political consequence. The two religious groups shared power in the government by alternating the Presidency and the Prime Minister-ship between members of each group. The primary industry was banking and the Lebanese considered their country to be the Switzerland of the Middle East. The Capitol "Beirut" was a modern, clean, well kept, European Type City that was widely accepted as the "Paris" of the Middle East. They had "world class" hotels, restaurants and night clubs and just about all the amenities necessary to make the richest visitors feel at home and comfortable. A truly nice place to visit.

Ten years later I set off the coast of Lebanon for sixty days on the USS Saratoga while the locals and insurgents burned it to the ground in the name of…well to be honest I was never sure what it was in the "Name of" but we were there just in case. We were waiting to evacuate any Americans whenever their lives were deemed to be in sufficient danger. A week after we were replaced "on station" by the USS America, they carried out the evacuation from what was effectively a bombed out third world ruin of what had been a beautiful vibrant city.

I have often wondered what happened to the "Consul" and to his 19 year old son who I had spoken with for the hour I waited in the outer office that Saturday Morning in 1966. Did they go home to the vagaries of a political system that had descended into chaos and anarchy or did they opt to stay in America where they would at least have some control over their destiny.

Everyone has an opinion about the Middle East. Mine is that they have lost so much through the hatred and distrust of those who’s beliefs differ from their own, that it can not possibly have been worth it.

Uncle Dave

Ramblings

2007-02-05T17:08:00.000-06:00

So, I’m having a lot of trouble with my shoulders. Well shoulders and clavicles (Collar Bones) probably from trying to lift to much too soon. Well that and the Dogg likes to jerk my arms around like a rag doll when I take him for a walk. It’s been very painful, bad enough I have had to take some heavy duty pain killers just to get to sleep. The occupational therapist came today and we couldn’t really do any thing because of the shoulders. He says he’ll try again on Friday.

J. Dogg thinks it’s funny but he has always been a bit sadistic. He does like to hear me yelp. I don’t like hurting like this, it makes me want to go back to the doctor and at first I thought it had to do with my heart. I was happy when I figured out it was not heart related pain but structural problems causing it. I don’t like taking pain killers as they have been know to form a habit but it beats dealing with the pain so I guess I’ll keep on trying to "Doctor" it as best I can.

They said I might try some Motrin as it relaxes muscles and that that is probably what is causing the pain in the first place. As soon as I can get some, I will try it.

Debbie and Dale have been using my van a lot lately. They got their tax return and now are getting a few things they need for the house and my van can haul thing that they can’t fit in their car.

I recorded a movie of Jon doing the things a 16 month old child does a couple days ago. He seemed to be enjoying himself as he took things apart and let the dogg out of his crate and played with him.

This whole entry is pretty much ramblings but I felt a need to get something new on the blog.

Uncle Dave

2007-01-27T12:05:00.000-06:00

So, J. Edgar Dogg came home yesterday and today he escaped…I got him back, but not until he had aged me a few years.

His neck has always been as big as his head so his collar has always been pretty much a ceremonial thing from which to hang his favorite tags, but I didn’t realize he had gotten so adept at slipping out of it. He Has! I cant take him back outside again until I get a harness from which he can’t easily escape. I’d say can’t escape but that would imply certainty and certainty is not possible when you are talking about J. Dogg.

What happened was I took him outside first thing this morning as he has become accustomed while with Dale but I don’t have a big fenced yard for him to run in so I had him on a leash attached to his collar and when he got tired of being forced to go where I wanted him to go, he slipped out of the collar and ran for the tree line. This time he made it without running into anything and for about 20 minutes he explored the neighborhood. I sat on the edge of my deck for a while after he left hoping he would find his way home but when I went inside to contemplate my options my landlord, a very nice man named Mr. Patterson came to my door and asked if I still had my dog. He was running free in the middle of the road and Mr. Patterson feared Dogg might become a "Road Rug" if we didn’t catch him and bring him home pretty quick.

One note here; The road in question is not a super highway, in fact it supports about five cars per hour in traffic and is so bumpy nobody goes over thirty miles per hour on it, but it only takes one pickup truck to squash a dogg. especially a dogg as dumb as J. Edgar Dogg.

I followed Mr. Patterson in my van as I thought Edgar would recognize it and maybe come to me but Edgar loves everybody so once he was tired of running free he was ready to come home. In fact, when we found him he was scratching at the door of a trailer that looked remarkable like ours…only on the wrong side of the park. When he saw me in the van he tried to jump up in my lap and we got him safely into the van and safely home again. I put him in his room, fed him his breakfast and came out here to write this.

Like I said above, I’m going to come up with some sort of harness to lessen the chance of his getting away again. I think I went from 57 to about 65 very quickly this morning.

Cheers,

Uncle Dave

2007-01-26T20:48:00.000-06:00

I am sitting here at my computer with J. Edgar Dog’s chin resting on my knee. He is a very happy dog and I am a very happy human. Through a serious of unforeseen circumstances he is better trained, more mellow, much better socialized and in general a more laid back dog. His agoraphobia is gone, he likes going outside, he walks on a leash, he goes up and down stairs, he doesn’t jump up on people and he hasn’t zapped anybody with a stun gun in at least a couple months.

Living at my nephew’s house for two months has done him a world of good.. He had 4 other dogs to play with, a big yard to run in and a 15 month old baby who liked to see how far down his throat he could reach to contend with. He spent most of his days outside and only came in to eat and sleep. He got along fine with the other dogs only chased the cats if they let him and never even scratched the baby. I am very proud of him.

I’m proud to be his pet human.

I’m still getting better. The occupational therapist and physical therapist coming twice a week has helped a lot and I am doing all the exercises as directed on the off days. Still pretty weak but life is much better and the future looks bright.

In the very near future I will once again be moving this Blog, this time to my own web site which is @ http://www.dncramer.com/BLOG/ more info as it becomes available……..

I better go now before all this sunshine and happiness rots my teeth.

Uncle Dave

Jen’s Birthday

2007-01-23T17:30:00.000-06:00

You know, I’ve had more visitors in the last couple weeks than I had in the year and a half I have lived here. Of course most of them are Home Health Care personnel. The important thing is they are visitors. They tend to make me work while they are here but that is not a bad thing as I need to get stronger and more coordinated and they are helping with that.

J. Dogg will be coming home this week so I am very excited about that. I’d have him here now but Dale and Jon have been dealing with some sort of stomach flu that I do not want to contract and I will need their help to bring Edgar home.

My shoulders and sternum have been giving me a lot of pain lately but nothing I didn’t expect and all the wounds are healing up nicely. In some ways I am more healthy than I was before all this started. For one thing, I am no longer dealing with constant chest pain from a poorly functioning heart and my stamina is much better than it has been in years. I am still weak from the other ailments I deal with but it is a lot less overwhelming than it has been for for the las few years.

Today is my daughter Jennifer’s birthday. She is….Oh well, you can ask her but suffice it to say her age makes me feel very old.

Happy Birthday Jen!!!

Well, my typing skills are deteriorating so I’ll stop for now.

Cheers,

Uncle Dave

Hi There

2007-01-14T14:00:00.000-06:00

It’s Sunday. I’m up and around and feel pretty much, dare I say it, Normal. I slept from 11:45 pm to 10:30 am and I feel rested. I’m still a bit wobbly on my feet but I do feel notable more secure than I have been.

I miss my puppy. I went over to see him on Thursday and he went crazy. Wiggling his whole body and trying to climb up in my lap. This is a little rough with a very strong 60 lb. animal, but it sure was nice to have him recognize me. Hopefully I will feel strong enough in the near future to bring him home.

I’m eating better and have been keeping what I eat down better than when I first got home but I still feel like I could hurl at the slightest provocation and occasionally do. Now nothing tastes right and nothing really tastes really good so food is not the pleasure it once was. The best tasting food I have had today was two thin slices of multi-grain bread, toasted and buttered with the super healthy butter substitute I am now using in place of butter.

I know I haven’t really said much but I am running out of steam, so bye for now.

Uncle Dave

I'm home

2007-01-12T21:46:00.000-06:00

The people who run this blog site deserve to be boiled in oil. They have made it almost impossible for me to post to my own blog. If I could find them I would make them aware of how much they have made my life worse.

OK! Off the soap box.

I'm home and almost able to type again. I get very tired very easily and have even less patience than before, but I am back, it's really me. They re plumbed and retreaded my heart and now all I have to worry about are the other two or three ailments that are likely to kill me.

OH! I've lost 50 lbs. during this trip to the circus. I don't recomend it as a weight loss system but it is a good side effect.

Keep responding to the blog please, but as I can't trust their ability to keep their software up and running take my direct email address davidcramer@earthlink.net down so we can still communicate.

I'm going to go sleep now.

Thanks for all the good wishes,

Uncle Dave

Terror of the future

2006-11-28T11:19:00.000-06:00

So this sweet young lady just jerked me up short and hit me upside the head with reality...She was the physical therepist who's job it is to bring reality to those of us living on the teddy bear planet. In other words, the aftermath of this event is "PAIN!" real pain. My chest is allready hurtin in anticipation.

After the surgurey I will be unable to get in and out of bed or a chair without help, for a period of around six weeks. J. Edgar Dogg will be of minimal assistance in this, as in most endevors.

I don't know why I hadn't thought of this before, the information was there before me to see.

Maybe I can get the services of a helper for a few weeks after the surgery, at least until I can fend for myself. They could come in and get me up in the morning and help me to bed at night. Maybe call and check on me in the middle of the day. Well, something like that anyway.

I shall find a way, Me and Wonder Dogg can do anything. Especially if I do it and he sits by me watching.........

We Shall Overcome!

Uncle Dave

He's Back

2006-11-26T15:18:00.000-06:00

nov. 26-06

I am in the hospital.

I dont think I will be getting out alive.

My fingers dont work very well now due to having things attached to them and getting the ends
of them stuck a lot to check my sugar level, theirfore typing sucks.

Did I mention, that I cant see the keyboard either? Also, I am using the keyboard on the laptop when I usually use the split ergonomic keyboard at home.

It's not for any neferious reasin, I just din't think they have enough working parts to fix.

The people here at the VA hospital have been good to me and the food has been OK and they are confident of the success of the operation, but they have to be, it's part of their job.

I think I have excellent doctors who have planned well what they will be doing, and they are appropreately confident of the outcome, but their are some things you just can't fix.

The chickens have come home to roost. I hae done a very poor job of taking care of this body over the years and I think it is just too worn out to repair with the tools available to man at this time.

I'm going tp die from this. May not be from this operation but it is going tp happen, and it will be soon.....

Take good care of J.Edgar Dogg, he's not a common dogg, he's an extrodinary Dogg with great things to come.

nov 27-06

I'm still here.

This morning I got my full dose of insulin at about 7am and breakfast didn't show uo till after eight and my sugar level went low causing me to get a mite twichy as in (mean and nasty and hungrey enough to chew the arm off a WWF Wrestler at the sholder.) But I didn't as the food arrive in the nick of time and ther were no WWF Wrestlers available.

They (Nurse Bryant) got me a chair to sit in so I didn't have to spend my entire life in that damn hospital bed. It's an interesting chair. first it is really big, I mean it's huge. Seat height at the lowest is about 25 inches. It's blue, it's Big and Blue. It's aone of those colors of blue that doesn't register on my color chart so I only know it's blue because they tell me its blue. I like it, it's nice to have a way to get out of bed for a while. They will be bringing food soon as it is 12pm now and I shll eat it of course as I am hungry. but I am always hungry. I'll have to stop puting while the food is being ingested.

There are people here intent on telling me I will die when they opperate on me. I don't think they realize they are doing it, but when you tell someone who doesn't believe in god that only a strong belief in god will pull them through, you are pretty much telling them they are going to die. This however doesn't creat within me an urge to conver to christainity.

They are giving me my mid day dose of insulin and letting me give it mto myself so we don't get a repeat of earier today. I'll giv it to myself after Lunch gets here..........

Uncle Dave

Not Good

2006-11-21T02:33:00.001-06:00

I’m pretty sure I have had a heart attack this evening or more precisely this morning. It was after Midnight so technically it was morning.

The pain is still there and I am very week luckily it doesn’t take a lot of strength to type, but I don’t think I can do much more than that.

It produced all the standard symptoms. The sharp pain in the chest where the heart is and the pain radiating down the left arm, difficulty breathing tightness in the throat. It was pretty much text-book as far as I can tell. I’d go to the emergency room but I can’t move around well enough right now to trust my driving ability and besides, I really can’t afford it. They always treat you so badly there and I do not want to die in those conditions. Truth be told, I’d rather die at home alone than in a hospital with a bunch of people hovering around me causing me more pain in the name of helping me.

If I can I’ll go in to the VA Clinic here in Gadsden when it opens in the morning and see if there is anything useful they can do. They sent me a letter today chastising me for not making it to an appointment I didn’t know about so I have an excuse to go in.

I’m going to put this on the blog now as the pain is coming back pretty strong and I’m not sure how much more I can do. I’ll call 911 or its equivalent if it keeps up. Since I have a voip phone 911 doesn’t work.

Guilty

2006-11-18T17:24:00.000-06:00

OK! Today I have a tacky story. I’m not sure the right word is "tacky" but it’s as close as I can come without a thesaurus and that just seems to be cheating.

I went to lunch with Dale and the kid yesterday and we had a great time as usual. The kid got about half his food in him and half on him or the floor. All around we had a good time. Dale was complaining most of the way about how he figured it was probably time to change the kid as he was putting of that aroma that indicates elimination of bodily waste. I wasn’t really paying attention as I had not noticed the aforementioned odor.

After lunch and errands and a shopping trip through Lowes looking (at least on my part) for nothing in particular we made it back to Dale’s house and he started unloading various and sundry items we had acquired while we were out. Once again he brought up the subject of his son’s probable diaper condition and I finally listened to him and realized that it may not have been the kid who was the source of the offending smell. I suggested to Dale that the kid might not have been the source of the offense as I had been a bit gassy all morning and as I was used to being alone most of the time I had gotten out of the habit of curbing the release of possibly noxious gasses. Upon close inspection the boy was found to be innocent of all charges and was henceforth and from then on no longer subjected to gentle deridement and sly innuendo for crimes actually committed by the stinky old man.

OH! The Guilt, The Guilt. There was a time in days past when I would not only have not spoken of such a shameful topic but would have turned bright red at someone else’s mention of such things. Not any more.

Actually it was at least a little funny in retrospect what with Dale going on and on about the poopy little boy when it was the gassy old man all the time.

I told you it was tacky!

Uncle Dave

2006-11-16T01:38:00.000-06:00

The J. Edgar Dogg Lottery is done. After I am dead his sister Jennifer wants him to come and live with her. I appreciate the other offers but as you would probably imagine, big sister has first dibs. I won’t tell everybody about the floppy orange felt hat with the ostrich feather but you can ask Jennifer and maybe she will tell you.

Uncle Dave

Announcement!

2006-11-15T19:02:00.000-06:00

The Party will be on Tuesday the 21st of November at The Road Kill Café Bait Shop and Tanning Salon near Gadsden, Alabama the party will be in celebration of J. Edgar Dogg’s first Birthday………

The menu will be…well it’s the Road Kill Café, we won’t know the menu until the night of the party.

It will be an extravaganza, with great entertainment and many Celebrity Guests.

White tie and tails or Horror Costumes will be the dress code of the day.

The guest of honor will be naked.

Book your rooms early the hotels and resorts are filling up fast.

Call me for further particulars.

Uncle Dave

Counting Down

2006-11-14T13:02:00.000-06:00

I talked to the guy (Tom Rosenburger) who is working with me to get through the VA Maze today and he says that he thinks that they are about to come to a conclusion about all this. He thinks I will take that to mean that I am about to get my "Service Connected" status. I don’t. I take it to mean that they will again turn me down.

The fact is, it makes no difference anymore. My health is deteriorating at such a rate that I will be dead before anything they can do for me will effect my life in any substantial way at all.

I wasn’t looking for a symbolic victory here I was in it for the money. I had it in mind to travel a bit and see people I hadn’t seen in a while and places I had never see before. Not all over the world, just places I could drive to in the states. At this point I’m not sure I would leave the house if they dropped a million dollars on my front porch. "They Win." They outlasted me. I’m getting weaker every day and there’s really not much left to lose, and certainly nothing left to fight for.

Oh! One interesting note. Tom tried to convert me to Christianity again. He’s worried about my soul, wants to see me on the other side. I admire his chutzpah. I’m pretty sure he really believes in that stuff and I am a little sorry that my not believing bothers him so much. I just can’t give him what I do not have to give. I don’t have much left anymore of anything but I like to think I am still an honorable man. An honorable man is not a hypocrite, he does not claim to accept a concept that is so obviously flawed for fear he might be wrong. I know I may be wrong about this "God" concept but I will find out for sure soon enough. That’s one of the few things I am not worried about. I care much more about who will take care of J. Edgar Dogg than about whether or not God exists.

Anybody out there interested in taking in my Dogg? My daughter may take him, but she hasn’t said yet so I am looking for volunteers.

Well, I’ve rambled on far enough for now, I think I will go see if my body will allow me to take a nap.

Cheers,

Uncle Dave

One more time

2006-11-13T13:34:00.000-06:00

Well, I really thought today was the day. My body woke me early with pain all over it and I couldn’t seem to find anything that would make it better. Everything felt pretty good when I went to bed last night but by 6:30 this morning I was in dire distress. Chest pain was at "8" and I had pain in both arms like somebody was beating my arms and hands with one of those wicked little meat hammers they use to make thin pieces of meat out of thick pieces of meat.

When I took inventory, everything hurt. Feet and legs ached like the devil was poking me with a cattle prod. My stomach felt like a snake fight, or something cooking in a witch’s caldron and I had a thumping headache.

It got to the point where I was thinking that if this is "IT" then do it cause I sure as Hell ain’t living long like this and death has got to be a relief. After a while I had taken all the meds I had that might ameliorate the problem and nothing was getting any better so I put the puppy back in his room and although I was sure I would not be able to sleep I went back to bed. I couldn’t stand to lay flat on the bed like I usually sleep so I curled up on my side in a ball doing my imitation of a really big medicine ball and finally fell asleep.

Whatever devil was tormenting me must have gotten tired and gone home for lunch because about 1 pm I woke up sore and cramped and feeling much better. I have no idea what caused this except I do know my heart was pounding very hard and hurting worse than it has in a very ling time.

I think if this happens again, it will probably be the last time.

Uncle Dave

2006-11-11T22:55:00.000-06:00

Veteran’s Day

It would appear that today is again Veteran’s day. Happens every year at this time, 11/11, and it generally has pretty much the same effect on most of us Veterans.

What happens almost every year is a lot of people who were never in the military get together and form committees to put on celebrations to honor their favorite sub groups of Vets effectively excluding all the other Veterans from the day that is supposed to be for us.

This year the big thing is the folks currently serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, oh, and all the men who died in various wars, and lastly there’s some state making a real big deal about their last surviving WWI Vet.

What about the rest of us? What about the soldiers guarding the 39th parallel at the edge of North and South Korea? Are they less worthy? All the men in the VA hospitals missing arms and legs and minds, did they not give enough of themselves?

I was in a boat in Viet Nam that was blown up killing the other three men in the boat. Their sacrifice was great enough for it to be their Veteran’s day. I was able to go on to kill the mortar crew that killed them, but I’m not worthy. They gave me a bronze star and a purple heart and now they wont even admit I was in Viet Nam. When we came home we were spit on and had foul things thrown at us. When might we expect it to be our Veteran’s Day?

There is a line from a song from the late sixties called "Good Christian Soldier" it goes "I can’t separate the winners from the losers anymore and I’m thinking of just giving up the fight." If the ones who died were the winners and the ones who came home are the losers then it’s harder now than ever not to give up the fight.

Uncle Dave US Navy 1968-1979 First Class Petty Officer

2006-11-11T02:18:00.000-06:00

Joy Buzzer

Well, it took him two days but J. Dogg got me with the Stun-Gun. I thought it was safely put away up in the high kitchen cabinet but apparently he has a new friend. Jason the drooling Pit Bull introduced J. Dogg to his friend Wilmer the Rat. No that’s not a nick-name, he really is a Rat. A Rat that likes to climb and retrieve things for his friends. At least when they provide him with large amounts of cheese. I partly figured this out when I found a badly nibbled chunk of Cheddar Cheese under the sink.

So I’m sitting serenely in my easy chair reading a book, when J. Edgar comes upstairs and asks me if I can help him retrieve a pool ball from one of the side pockets of the pool table. It’s one of those old fashion tables with 1 ½" slate, thick green felt like a fine putting green and deep leather nets to catch the balls when they fall into the pockets. He sometimes has trouble getting the balls out of the side pockets after a game because they have slate on three sides instead of just two and well, you know, he does have a pretty wide muzzle. Anyway, I didn’t even see it coming. He sticks his head under the table like he’s trying to push the net up with the ball in it and I reach down to get the ball and "ZAP!" I get knocked ass over teakettle by the world’s meanest "Joy-Buzzer."

Ever see a dog rolling on the floor laughing his ass off?

After I stopped shaking, I made sure Edgar was safely away from the pool table and retrieved the "Stun-Gun" from the side pocket. I then brought it back upstairs and hammered it into tiny little pieces with my ball-peen-hammer. Then before the Dogg could get back upstairs I took out the trash. When I came back in I liberally laced the chunk of cheddar under the sink with rat poison.

When J. Edgar Dogg came back upstairs to see if I was mad enough to kill him or just maim him, all I did was glare at him without saying a word. This un-nerved him quite a bit and suddenly he got really talkative. He rambled on for quite a while about forgetting I had a bad heart and he started giving me a lot more information about his nefarious friends than I really wanted to know. He ended his rant with the confession that the whole thing had been his sister, Jennifer’s idea!

Now I can’t say that he was 100% truthful, but until proven otherwise… Dat Girl, she in a heap a trouble!

Uncle Dave

J. Dogg Makes Bail

2006-11-09T12:23:00.000-06:00

Well, we got J. Edgar Dogg out of jail today. At least for a while. He has a court date between Christmas and New Years. The one ironclad rule we had to agree to in order to get J.Dogg bail was "No More Cheesy Puffs!" I just don’t know what I’m going to do about this Dogg!

Oh! And to make sure I don’t get bored, his new "Toy" arrived today. A brand spanking new 80,000 volt High Performance Guaranteed to knock your enemy’s nose deep into the mud "STUN-GUN." As a bonus they had sent along a sample size canister of pepper spray which I quickly put away in a high (hopefully puppy proof) cabinet.

I gave J. Edgar Dogg an extensive hopefully exhaustive list of rules about what not to do with the stun-gun and he promptly took it down stairs to play with it.

I noticed he was on the phone a little later and a while after that his friend Jason (the drooling Pit Bull) came over and immediately went down to the pool room too. A little while latter I heard a yelp followed quickly by a full-blown howl.

I quickly headed for the elevator to go and investigate but I couldn’t get it to come up to the first floor (apparently either J.Dogg or Jason had blocked the door open keeping the elevator from returning to the top floor.) I yelled down the stairs that if I was killed falling down the stairs he wouldn’t have anyone to bring him dog food and the elevator started right up.

Once I got to the pool-room I found two happy wiggling dogs looking very proud of themselves standing on either side of the stun-gun which was laying on the carpet. I asked what the devil was going on and they were only too happy to show me. Edgar told Jason to touch his tongue to the silver tips on the stun-gun and when he did Edgar stepped on the activator button sending a nasty 80,000 volt jolt through Jason making him do an excellent impression of Michael J. Fox in a stem cell commercial.

It was not a pretty sight. Funny as hell but not pretty. I asked Edgar why he would do such a thing and he stated that it was not on my list of prohibited activities for the stun-gun. I went over my list in my mind and realized he was right but said "It should have been." He said "It wasn’t." and I said "It is now!" He just looked disgusted and turned away.

I then turned to Jason and asked him if he enjoyed this game and he just cocked his head to one side and drooled some more. I’m pretty sure that Jason was not the pick of the litter.

I then retrieved the stun-gun went back upstairs and put it with the pepper spray leaving the kids downstairs to play video games and giggle about putting another one over on me.

That dog is going to be the death of me yet.

Uncle Dave

Puppy Trouble

2006-11-08T12:09:00.000-06:00

Calling all Cars, Calling all Cars! Armed Robbery in Progress at the Jet Pep Connivance Store on Highway 77 West of Rainbow Drive. A short wrinkled person is making off with several bags of orange snack food! Use all Caution, He’s got teeth!
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Mr. Cramer, This is very serious.

I know it’s serious, but shouldn’t I be talking to a Doctor right now, not a Lawyer. Edgar needs treatment not incarceration.

True, but a Doctor is not going to be much help in keeping him out of jail, and that has to be our first concern.

JAIL! How could they put him in Jail? He’s only a puppy.

He’s only a puppy until the 21st then he’s a dog and subject to all the powers of the adult court system, besides since this is armed robbery we are talking about, he’d be tried as an adult anyway.

ARMED ROBBERY! He has no weapons, He doesn’t even have opposable thumbs, how could they try him for Armed Robbery?

It’s the teeth. The law sees them as "potential" weapons…

Crap! So what can we do?

Well we can try to get him into re-hab as quickly as possible.

Will that keep him out of jail?

Well, It should, but it’s real iffy that we can get him in to one in time.

Why? What’s the problem? I have friends, can get the money if I have too…..

It’s not money, it’s the other thing.

What other thing?

Like I said before, "The Teeth." Nobody wants a patient with sharp teeth. And Also….

What?

Nobody really knows how to treat an addiction to Cheesy Puffs.

Uncle Dave (J. Dogg's Jailer)

Defamation

2006-11-07T16:18:00.000-06:00

So! It seems my offspring doubts my veracity. Perhaps I should have her flogged! What ever is this world coming to when my own child has said in print that half my home, My Very Castle does not exist.

Just because the Façade I show the world is a mere Single Wide House Trailer does not preclude the possibility that beneath it lay a whole system of passageways rooms and caverns including but not limited to the Hot Tub Room, The Sauna, The aforementioned Pool Table Room not to be confused with the Pool Room (One having a fireplace with leather chairs and a walk-in humidor, the other with one meter and three meter boards.) Why would she accept "Jason the giggling pit bull" without question but balk at the existence of the poolroom it’s self?

Perhaps on her next visit to the "Family Compound" I shall not house her in the luxurious "Guest Suite" as before, but shall show her to the deepest darkest Dungeon instead.

Defame the family honor again and I shall call down the Hoards of Warriors of the Secular Humanist Jihad upon you. It’s not nice to pick on daddy.

J. Dogg says "Hi!"

Uncle Dave (Jennifer's Father)

A Stunning Developement

2006-11-06T00:29:00.000-06:00

I think I may have made a mistake today.

It started when J. Edgar Dogg asked politely if he could use my credit card to make a reasonable small purchase on line. I of course asked what it was and how much it cost. He was a little vague about it but said it was electronic and sort of like a remote control. I try very hard not to be judgmental about such things and as it was fairly inexpensive I said yes.

A few hours later I was on the computer and got an e-mail verifying that my order had been shipped. It was for an 80,000-volt stun gun. As you might imagine I was taken aback at this news and immediately thought there had been some sort of mistake made. Not so! This was the "Electronic Control" J. Edgar had ordered. Not wanting to seem overly suspicious but feeling a need for answers, I went looking for J.Dogg. I found him in the rec-room down in the basement shooting pool with one of his friends (A rather nasty pit bull named Jason with a drool problem) I told J/ Edgar I needed clarification on what he had ordered on line. He readily admitted that the e-mail was accurate.

Not wanting to blow things out of proportion I decided to ignore the basic subterfuge he had employed in getting my consent to purchase the item and go straight to what need he had for such a thing. The fog got pretty heavy at this point as first he said such things had always fascinated him and he wanted to see how they worked. He then said it was for personnel protection from the bullies in the neighborhood and finally after several considerably more probing questions from me he admitted he wanted it to help him train the cat. I was as you might think a bit stunned by this last revelation and came back upstairs to consider the ramifications of such a thing. I could swear I heard suppressed giggles coming from the pit bull as I left.

After ruminating on the possible pitfalls of the developing situation for a while I have come to a conclusion. I am pretty sure J. Edgar Dogg is not telling me the truth about his intended use of this item. I say this because first of all, he has never shown any interest in electronic gadgets before, second he is the only bully in the neighborhood and last but not least…we don’t have a cat.

I’ll let you know how things progress.

Uncle Dave

2006-11-05T16:55:00.000-06:00

OK! OK! I’m still here.

Although I have no particular reason to feel this way, I feel better than I did last week. I find I can get good feelings from unexpected places on occasion. Luckily, many of those occasions are when the Universe has been treating me like a dog treats a fire hydrant.

I think at some point the law of averages makes it my turn to get good news. Or not. If I plan for good news I can let the disappointments pile up on me and I feel like I am the bug, not the windshield. On the other hand, If I plan for the worst, I will most certainly spiral down into the "Great Intergalactic Pit of Despair & Really bad Vibes" which makes Dante’s Inferno look like a Sock Hop. I have been getting glimpses of it lately and it is really a place I do not wish to be. The other alternative is to tread water. Keep paying the bills as much as possible, keep trying to hold the money grubbing VA at arms length and find happiness where I can.

I like to play with my dogg. He likes cheesy puffs, so I buy a big bag (well, they are actually Cheetos) when I get groceries, which I did this past week. I sit at the computer and toss cheesy puffs across the room for J. Edgar Dogg to inspect, nuzzle and gobble down…repeat process. When you put it that way it doesn’t sound nearly so interesting. I do however enjoy the process. He foams at the mouth when he eats them. Looks like a Hydrophobia victim only orange. When he’s had enough he goes and lays down in his create and I go back to playing on the computer. When he wants attention he comes over to me and lays his chin on my thigh just above the knee and looks up at me like a small child seeking his daddy’s love. Of course, he gets it.

One of my stories about J.Dogg got published in the Myositis news letter for this month and one on another subject got published in our local Mensa news letter. I like to see my stuff in print.

I just finished my daily cup of Kona Coffee, it’s really good stuff. It costs about twice as much to have the beans mailed from Hawaii to me (I am a very frugal shopper) as it costs to buy regular beans from the local grocery store but it is worth it. I figure I can afford only one cup a day for now which actually makes it pretty special. It’s one of those things to look forward too.

Ok, I guess I have said enough to convince everyone I am still around so bye for now.

Uncle Dave

2006-11-03T15:55:00.000-06:00

I and Dogg Live! It’s just that our Jubilation factor is currently in the negative numbers.

UD

2006-10-28T13:51:00.000-05:00

Got a letter yesterday from the VA. I had been hoping for one saying that they had completed the investigation on my reconsideration for service connected status of my disability. I didn’t hold out any real hope that this letter was that letter, but it was the large size and full of pages so I guess I did hope a little. When I got back to the house from the mailbox I opened the letter and found a long missive telling me that I make to much money to get free medical care from the VA and that they were going to make me pay $50.00 a doctor visit and $8.00 a prescription retroactive for a year.

The only money I get is a small check each month from social security for being 100% disabled. This puts me over the limit so I have to pay for the care of the VA. Gosh, I sure am glad I put 11 years of my life into serving my country and now that the damage done to my body while performing that service has made me unable to work, the VA is right here ready to take a couple more pints of blood.

When I got inside the house I found I had a message from the congressman’s aide who was trying to find out why the VA was taking so long with my case. When I called him back, he told me the VA said I had no case pending with them, they weren’t reconsidering my claim, no paperwork had been submitted asking for such a thing. Seems my Advocate, Mr. Rosenburger had never sent it in back in June when he said he had.

Although it is a mental condition, depression has physical manifestations, like loss of appetite, insomnia, an overriding need for sleep, physical weakness, despair.

I’m going to bring up a couple of Kris Kristofferson albums on the computer and listen to some sad music for a while.

2006-10-27T21:52:00.000-05:00

I am quickly running out of reasons to keep on living.

Is the world a safe place to live?

2006-10-22T16:25:00.000-05:00

I take this as proof positive that I probably have way too much time on my hands.

I was just reading about and thinking about the fact that the North Koreans now have the "Bomb." At first I thought that nobody on the planet could possibly think this is a good thing. Of course I almost immediately realized the error of that thought. First of all there is Kim Jung Il. He’s dancing around like a little Asian Leprechaun who has found his pot-of-gold. But you know their are others as well who must see this as a positive.

Mr. Almadinajad is probably doing the Iranian version of the Irish Jig with the triple positive of 1. Redirecting some of the anger that has been directed towards Iran. 2. Providing a possible source for Nuclear materials and technology. and 3. Causing us Americans so much discomfort.

And there is always Osama Bin Laden, the ultimate stirrer-of-the-pot. He has got to be laying there in his hospital bed beside his American made Dialyses machine just giggling about how the Americans have their panties in such a twist. This is of course because that wacky little troll in Pyongyang now has Nukes to put on those missiles that can reach the West Coast of the United States. He’s probably on the phone to Il every day trying to goad him into firing one off.

Let me see. Who else is gleeful at this turn of events? Hugo Chavez, all the Pirates posing as Islamic Jihadist in Somalia, Fidel Castro and all the malcontents in the world who find it convenient to blame the U.S. for their woes.

I have no magic answers on what to do to make this situation better, but it is probably good to recognize who your true enemies are.

Uncle Dave

I was just thinking.

2006-10-19T12:36:00.000-05:00

Rash Generalization Number 471:
The fact that you find her to be the perfect woman does not preclude the possibility that she finds you to be a toad.

Rash Generalization Number 427:
There may be some form of life-after-death but the evidence is not solid enough to make firm dinner plans.

Rash Generalization Number 391:
The reason teenage boys generally outrun teenage girls has little to do with their ability to run.

Rash Generalization Number 342:
Suicide is the point at which your experiences in life have been bad enough and your expectations for the future are bad enough that the total is to much to bear.

Rash Generalization Number 201:
Conversations with the dead may not produce the same level of communication as conversations with the living, but you don’t have any trouble getting a word in and nobody completes your sentences for you.

Rash Generalization Number 675:
Having an well-ordered life is good, but having an unruly dog that smiles a lot is better.

Rash Generalization Number 114:
A loving cat wants something while a loving dog just loves you.

Uncle Dave

The Lunch

2006-10-17T15:30:00.000-05:00

So off we went to Logan’s Road House For lunch. At the door this stern looking little woman said "How many." I said, "Two." and she started looking around behind me for who else was coming. I just stood there holding the shopping bag containing Ray’s new vessel (a large, ornate glass jar.) In a few moments she asked about the "Other" and I almost told her… but at the last moment I just said. "He’ll be along in a few minutes." So they went ahead and seated me.

When the waitress came for the drink order I asked for un-sweet tea and a beer for my friend. She said she couldn’t bring an alcohol drink for my friend without his ID and having thought ahead I pulled out Ray’s driver’s license which she looked at then went away. In a minute she came back with tea for me and a beer for Ray. When she set the beer down in front of the chair on the other side of the table she didn’t seem to notice the Jar with Ray in it.

I ordered a steak and an appetizer platter to share with Ray. We were over by the wall and the place was fairly loud so no one seemed to notice our one sided conversation as I told him what was going on with the VA and why we were here today.

The cheese sticks and fried mushrooms came and I placed them in the middle of the table within easy reach of the jar and started talking to Ray about things we did when we were kids with Dad. Between bites of food, I rattled on about how Dad was drunk a lot of the time but how there were some good times too. Like when he got Ray and me out in the front yard in Azusa and taught us several Judo throws and many defensive holds that he had learned from being a military policeman in the Army.

After a while Dad had gone back in the house to drink a beer and Ray and I had kept practicing what he had shown us. How surprised I was when I realized that although I was three years older and twenty lbs. heavier than Ray, he was six inches taller than me and almost as strong.

There was a fundamental shift in the balance of power that day, as Ray was no longer my tackling dummy, he was my equal. There would be no more fights between us after that. From that day on if we fought together it would be us, back to back against the world.

In a while Dad came back out and he had had more than one beer. He said he wanted to show us some more Judo stuff but what he really wanted to show us was that he was still boss. This he generally did by hurting us in some way. That day it didn’t work. Dad grabbed a hold of Ray as if to throw him with one of the Judo moves but I got behind him and put him in the head lock he had taught us earlier. I choked him out just enough to have him stop struggling and while he was trying to regain his balance Ray and me jumped in my car and headed off to the A&W for a root beer float.

About this time in the conversation I noticed that the people at the other tables were staring at me and I decided that it was time to wind up the celebration. I lifted my glass of tea, clinked it against Ray’s untouched beer and said;

"To Sam Cramer on the 22nd anniversary of your death, You taught us a lot even if some of it was by setting a really bad example. We miss you."

Uncle Dave (Ray's brother and Sam's son)

Dad

2006-10-09T15:09:00.000-05:00

Today is Columbus Day. Well actually it’s not Columbus Day but our government, in its infinite wisdom has decided to celebrate Columbus Day today. Normally I don’t let these little government idiosyncrasies bother me, but this one hits a little closer to home. No my family is not descended from the blood line of Christopher Columbus however, 22 years ago on the 12th of October, my father left this life for whatever comes next and in my mind that action forever connected the two.

How am I going to go out and have a memorial beer on the 9th of October? He’s only 21 years 11 months and 28 days gone, not 22 years. It just doesn’t seem right somehow. Actually, in my case it doesn’t make a lot of difference, as I don’t have to work on the twelfth either.

So I’m planning a memorial lunch at someplace dad would like. Someplace a little dark that serves beer and maybe has bowls of peanuts on the tables. With middle-aged waitresses that Pop could have flirted with and some sort of salty burnt meat for lunch. It will be a place where they won’t notice or mind my carrying on a conversation with Ray’s ashes or that his container is sitting on the table. I gotta take Ray, Sam was his father too, and it’s only right that he attends.

It’s settled, Thursday, October 12th, The Sam Cramer Memorial Lunch.

Uncle Dave

Picasso

2006-10-08T01:47:00.000-05:00

On the morning of her 50th birthday she got up from bed with a thousand different things on her mind. Her husband was already up and gone to work where she suspected he was using at least half his valuable time working on the surprise party she knew he’d been planning for weeks. She takes her shower and sits at the dressing table putting on her face.

After dressing and primping she steps out into the hallway to start the new day. Turning to take that one last inspecting look in her favorite mirror that hangs next to the bedroom door she stiffens and falls to the floor dead from a massive heart attack. The maid hears her fall and quickly takes appropriate action.

Later at his office there was a phone call that brought him to the emergency room where he stood helplessly by while the doctors did all they could to bring back the body that was far past their ability to help. In the numbness of shock he went home to find there in the hallway outside his bedroom door the remains of the machinations performed by the paramedics who also tried to save his wife. After staring at the discarded EKG pads, her shoes and clothing left behind there, he turns and sees there on the wall beside him the new Picasso he bought for her birthday and again wonders why she loved it so. To him it looked rather gruesome. It was of a very striking woman with a bent nose and eyes on different planes. It was not at all the sort of thing he would want to see just before bedtime or first thing in the morning. It’s only saving grace in his mind was that it enabled him to discard that gaudy old mirror. He realized now that the picture would have to go, as she who loved it so much would not be here to appreciate it.

At the funeral none among them knew her epitaph should have read, "Were she a fan of Monet she would still be with us."

Uncle Dave (Having a strange day.)

Interesting Day

2006-10-06T17:06:00.000-05:00

I went to the Harbor Freight store in Birmingham today (It's a Cut-Rate tool warehouse sort of place.) I was in B-Ham for an appointment at the VA Hospital anyway and I had some coupons they (Harbor Freight) had sent me by e-mail that were for in-store-purchases only. There were a few things I wanted among them so I went.

The place was swamped. They were having a sidewalk sale and there must have been a hundred men and three very butch women in there doing their impression of the Army Ants devouring the Brazilian Jungle. It was like a train wreck, it’s truly disturbing but you just can’t look away. As I don’t get to Birmingham very often I decided to bite the bullet and jump into the fray. I eventually tracked down my five or six items and headed for the cash register or more precisely the end of the very long line at the cash register.

It was while standing in this line that I noticed a very interesting demographic. Most of the customers in the store were "old codgers." Really! At least three quarters of the people in that line were, gray haired, fifty to seventy year old retired looking guys. And it struck me that this place was our Toys-R-Us. We all had that look on our faces like a six year old whose rich relative has taken him to a toy store and told him he can have whatever he wants. It was a nice feeling until the harsh reality came crashing down on me that I had neither need nor storage space or for that matter, The ability to use, all the tools and toys I had found to lust after there.

And the plaintive cry "But I really, Really Want It!" doesn’t work any better on me when it comes from ‘Me’ then it did years ago when my ‘Kid’ tried it. Sometimes, being a "grown-up" sucks!

When I got to the cash register, I found those coupons that had brought me to this place had expired two days ago. I was somewhat disappointed and felt likely to get more so, when the assistant manager came over and said it would not be a problem and gave me the prices on the coupons. Now that made my day, and I didn’t have to yell at anybody. They have nice people working there. I believe I will have to go there again.

On the way back north I got lost and had a wonderful time wandering through the Alabama countryside ‘til I found my way home.

Uncle Dave

Tag Lines

2006-10-01T14:09:00.000-05:00

My Mind is wandering again and I can’t seem to track it down to bring it back…

Here are some musings many original some plagiarized all make sense in their own twisted way. Some might make a good e-mail tag line. Feel free.
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A soldier is more likely to survive a confidently executed "bad operation" than he is a poorly executed "good operation."

I refuse to make my home in any ecosystem where I am not at or very near the top of the food chain.

A doctor is a person who believes that 3 years of abject misery is better than 2 years of sublime happiness.

No good deed ever goes long unpunished.

I feel like I’ve been et by a hippo and pooped over Victoria Falls.

Don’t be hooting with the owls at night if you can’t scream with the eagles at sun up.

Don’t let your alligator mouth write a check your hummingbird ass can’t cover.

Never poke a sleeping lion with a sharp stick.

Everybody’s good for something, even if it is just setting an excellent Bad Example.

If you feel like a Milk-Bone dog biscuit in a kennel full of pit bulls you have probably picked the wrong bar.

A shark doesn’t start the day looking for a human to eat, however if one jumps in his plate and does a passable imitation of food he will be accommodating.

At all Intersections in the swimming pool of life the alligator has the right-of-way

Everybody is part of the food chain, by some definitions, worms are at the top.

Laws of Physics:

Never argue right-of-way with a fast moving train.

The worth of the cargo in the car ahead of you is inversely proportional to your car’s ability to stop.

186,282.397 miles/second, not just a good idea, it’s a law.

Cause and effect, act like food, become food.

Uncle Dave

The Bell Rings No-More

2006-09-27T23:29:00.000-05:00

Because I like to keep up with my old career (i.e. Electrical Engineering in the Telecommunications Field) I get a lot of newsletters from various organizations that probably think that I am still an active RF Engineer. I’m not still active, because I am not able to travel or work the kind of long hours that the type of engineering I did required. My brain does, however still work pretty well and I get a little upset when I see some of the information coming out of the companies I used to work for.

I just read an article about Paul Jacobs the CEO of Qualcomm (A major telecom chip manufacturer and innovator) where he laments the lack of quality engineering talent available in the U.S. He and other CEO’s and COO’s complain about how China and India are producing all the high level engineering graduates these days and how the best and the brightest are staying in engineering centers at home that rival anything we have here. He thinks the answer is better engineering schools and more money for scholarships but the wages have gone down considerably since they started bringing in the foreign engineers and sharp students go with the money.

They completely ignore the fact that they have caused this to be the current situation. They complain that there are few gifted engineers coming out of our universities today however they never mention the H1-B Visa Program. That’s the law they all lobbied so diligently for from the 90’s ‘til now that was and is used as an excuse to lay off thousands of talented and capable American workers and replace them with foreign engineers who will work for a third as much as the U.S. Citizens they are replacing. They tell Congress they can’t find engineers at the same time they are laying off talented highly trained and highly evaluated engineers by the thousands. They blame this on needing to save money due to the crimes committed by the top management. The criminals get a severance package and the engineers get a pink slip and the congressmen believe whatever they are told by big business.

In most cases the new workers, while well educated, are not trained in American terminology and methods and present many problems getting used to differences between working here and where they came from. This means that the savings in salary costs are offset by the rising cost in time and poor quality of output that is suffered by companies who brought them in. Needless to say many of these workers are competent and develop into excellent engineers with time. Of course when they do, they expect to be paid the same as the American workers they replaced and after 6 years they, by law, must leave and go back to their home countries taking their knowledge and experience with them.

And still they lobby for the H1-B Program that currently allows 65,000 aliens to get visas per year. Well most years that is, The numerical limitation was temporarily raised to 195,000 in FY2001, FY2002 and FY2003. FY2002 was the year that I and many thousands of my co-workers were laid off by Lucent Technologies 'Bell Labs Innovations.' Oh! By the way, Lucent has now taken this process a step further by allowing themselves to be purchased by a company that is owned largely by a foreign government, that being our staunch ally France.

I think the big Telecom companies are starting to see the light, I get a couple e-mails a month asking if I will come back as a Consultant. I’d do it in a NY minute if I could, $95/hour beats the hell out of Social Security, but I just can’t take the workload. I do miss the excitement of creating something from nothing but I’ll have to stay here for now in the bleachers watching the game forever… unless my health situation changes.

Uncle Dave

Embarrassment

2006-09-21T21:06:00.000-05:00

I was just now thinking about what would constitute the most embarrassing situation "Ever!"

Here is a possible candidate.

Our subject is a young bachelor just out of school, who lives in his first apartment by himself and is for the most part situational celibate. The situation that causes this is that he is afraid to ask women out because he is afraid of rejection. Until one day he get’s lucky and it boosts his confidence enough that he gets lucky again a week later.

A few days later he is cleaning his place and he finds a very sexy bra and panties under the towels in the bathroom. He is going over things in his mind and he figures out who they must belong to, so he puts them into a paper bag and casually drops them on her desk the next morning when he goes to work.

About an hour later said young lady storms up to his desk and very dramatically pours the contents of the bag on his desk from as far up as she can reach, simultaneously stating in a very loud voice, "They’re not mine!"

At this point you could hear a mouse burp should one have choosen to do so, anywhere in the very large office.

At times like this one thinks very fast and he was pretty sure after a few seconds that he has thought of all the horrible repercussions that could possibly stem from this the ultimate faux pas.

Of course as you might expect, he was wrong. Because, this is the time when the woman in the next cubicle walks over and says in very loud voice, "They’re mine."

He spends the rest of the day on the Internet researching monasteries and once he leaves the office he is never seen or heard from again.

The one and only good thing about this entire situation is that it wasn’t me………

Uncle Dave

Over Cooked Insulin

2006-09-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

OK, the VA is doing something that makes no sense again. Some entity in the huge bureaucracy that is the United States Department of Defense Veteran’s Administration has decided that in order to save money they will mail out all Novolin 70/30 insulin without any special packaging to keep it cool. Insulin is very temperature sensitive and can be made to be ineffective if stored at high temperatures.

About a week ago I got a package of what I assumed was insulin in the mail. It wasn’t in the big bulky foam box and didn’t have the weight of something containing jell packs that I expected with insulin shipments. I had taken this package out of my big black mailbox on the side of the road that was of course just setting there in the hot sun. Since the package didn’t seem to have any temperature control packing, I went back to the house, got an oven thermometer and set it in the mailbox for a few minutes. According to the thermometer the temperature was 140 degrees Fahrenheit in my mailbox. Well above the temperature that the insulin can successfully withstand and still remain viable.

According to what I was told by a pharmacist at Birmingham VAMC (on the phone,) the entity that made the decision about no special packaging for shipping had tested the Novolin 70/30 up to 35 degrees Celsius which equates to 95 degrees Fahrenheit. This is well below the temperatures to be found on a typical Summer day in Alabama. On the day I took the insulin out of the mailbox the ambient temperature in my area had remained over 100 degrees for several hours.

The package I took from the mailbox contained 6 10ml bottles of Novolin 70/30 Insulin with a commercial cost of approximately $25.00/bottle. Multiply that by all the other orders that were sent out during that hot spell and you get a lot of money wasted through the lack of proper packaging. Not to mention all the veterans who thought they were taking a medication that would help them cope with their diabetes, but were not receiving the benefits they assumed they were.

My doctor has been on me lately about poor control of my sugar level. I can’t help but wonder if part of the reason might not be the use of over-heated insulin?

Sadly, it was made pretty clear to me by the people at the BVMAC Pharmacy that despite what I had told them this was a matter of "Policy" and nothing I had said would change anything.

I’m hoping that among the people out there who might read this is someone who can facilitate a change.

Uncle Dave
Attalla, Alabama
US Navy 1968-1979

Wanda

2006-09-14T17:26:00.000-05:00

About 39 years ago I and my mother came to meet a young lady at the train station in Los Angeles.

She was in the process of lightening the load on her shoulders by the weight of the father of her three children. He wasn’t a villainous man but amoral to a criminal point. He never understood the concept that just because he had done "IT" did not make it right or acceptable.

She had in tow the three children mentioned above. A beautiful slightly reserved six year-old girl a gregarious four year-old and the happiest little two year-old boy I have ever known. The two younger ones ran and jumped into my arms and for the first time I became "Uncle Dave." Well, "Uncle David" actually the change to Dave came many years later when I was in the Navy but that is a different story.

The young lady didn’t bring much with her. Beyond the children and some cloths she brought a bright mind and a determination to take care of herself and her family. No High School diploma, no notable job skills and no real insight into how she was going to accomplish the goal she had set for herself. As she had spent her life so far taking care of herself, her children and a house she found her first work in a rest home doing the same for the elderly residents. She was honest, hard working and funny and everybody loved her, I think, because she honestly cared for the people she took care of. It wasn’t just a job, she was the closest thing to family many of them had and that’s how she treated them, like family.

Through her work she developed an interest in health care as an occupation that might help her build a life beyond next week’s paycheck. She took classes and got certified as a Respiratory Therapist. That was over thirty years ago and she is still at it. Today she has a beautiful house a loving husband a whole mess of kids and grand kids all of whom think the world revolves around her and she has that same determination to take care of herself and her now very extended family.

She’s going to be sixty later this year.

She’s my big sister and I couldn’t be more proud of her if she were president of the United States.

Uncle Dave

OK! 9/11

2006-09-12T16:40:00.000-05:00

A couple of people have asked why I didn’t put anything about 9-11 on my blog on 9-11. I think the reason was that everyone else in the world who has access to a forum wrote, produced, plagiarized or copied something about 9-11. Yes it is an important event in the history of our country and it shall go down in the history of the world as a seminal event in world politics. Though indirectly so, from it sprang such acts as the trains of Madrid and the subways of London. But also sprang the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

From the point of view of the instigators of 9-11, I suspect it was a great success. Of course the aftermath went a bit farther than they expected as the war in Afghanistan toppled the one regime in the world that openly backed Osama Bin Laden in his war on the west. However, I suspect, they see the war in Iraq as the United States having built them a grand new playground in which to play at terrorism and in which to push their view of a world dominated by Fundamentalist Islam.

I don’t think we have ever had a president who has played so handily into the hands of our sworn enemies. He may well bankrupt the country with his personal vendetta based on a perceived, unsuccessful wrong done to his father and, by the way, having nothing to do with 9-11. I am morally certain, considering the fact that Bush I stopped the first Iraq war when it had been won, that he would not have backed the second Iraq War had it not been Bush II manufacturing it.

Back in 1992 I voted for Clinton to punish Bush for not killing Saddam Hussein. I was wrong, and history has shown me how wrong. I have no substantial complaints about how Bill Clinton ran the country, however I think we would have been a bit better off had Bush I had a second term. It probably would have prevented Bush II from ever reaching his present office.

Bush II is a tragedy of the democratic process. One man one vote means one stupid man one vote, one smart man one vote. It is the best system out there but it has some disturbing flaws. Do you realize that had there been a requirement that presidential candidates pass an 8th grade world history and geography final that Bush II would not have been allowed to run? I’m not positive that Clinton would have passed either but he would have done a lot better than Bush II. The fact that Al Gore would have gotten an "A" probably wouldn’t have helped his chances of winning.

If I have angered at least half of my readers with this missive, I am successful. If I have made all of them think, I am ecstatic.

Uncle Dave

He's Gone... No Longer to Annoy Animals

2006-09-11T05:28:00.000-05:00

Turns out I was wrong about Steve Erwin. I always assumed his fate was to be alligator or crocodile excrement.

There are people in the world that (for the betterment of mankind) are to dangerous or stupid to be allowed to live, as by living the life they choose in a most public venue they set a very bad example for the most impressionable among us.

We owe it to posterity to set an example for our progeny that if followed won’t get them killed. There are exceptions to this rule, but none of them end with said offspring becoming menu items or targets of primal vengeance.

Steve Erwin is dead and in his dying he has set a much better example for our children than he ever did by living. In life he showed that taking foolish dangerous chances was fun and exciting. In death he showed that taking foolish dangerous chances will get you killed. I hope the other celebrities who follow in his footsteps learn from his precedent or they will probably set the same example themselves, preferable, if they must, before they incite more of our young to die while handling poisonous snakes or wrestling alligators.

Could this have been pay-back for taking his one month old baby into the crocodile pen? I sincerely hope whatever was in Mr. Erwin that caused him to do these sorts of things was not hereditary.

Karma, is equal opportunity but none the less she can be a bitch. If you survive doing spectacularly dangerous things in a community forum, it stands to reason that the one you don’t survive will be a public moment as well.

If you keep on sticking your sausage into the sausage grinder just out of reach of the blades your sausage will eventually become Sausage.

You want to live an exciting life? Ride a skateboard down a hill, Sky-Dive, Bungee-Jump, do back flips off the high board but don’t go around angering beasts with big sharp teeth, poisonous fangs or claws. You may think it’s fun, but at best it is most annoying to the beasts. Our natural fears of such things may be pre-historic in origin, but they exist for good reason, don’t ignore them.

Uncle Dave

2006-09-10T12:40:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday. I don’t particularly think about celebrating it, but observing it makes sense to me.

When I was a kid birthdays had a lot of power to hurt me. Back when I allowed myself the luxury of gathering up wrongs done to me and holding them close like little treasures to be taken out and marveled over in the dark and held against those I imagined had done those wrongs to me. Christmas worked that way too. If I didn’t think I had gotten enough or hadn’t gotten exactly what I had wanted than I held that "Wrong" against someone in particular and the "World in General."

You learn these things, these habits, from observing the people around you but to un-learn them you are pretty much on your own. So this birthday I am going to give myself a present, a really big one. I am going to let go of all these "Wrongs" I have perceived done to me and start anew, free of bad feelings held toward anyone. They were, after all existing only in my mind, and certainly mine to do with as I please. So for the last time I will take out these treasures and inspect them carefully then let them go free to wander the cosmos or dissipate into the nothing from which they were made. I’ll have to do this as they come to me as for the moment I can’t think of a one.

Uncle Dave

2006-08-31T00:36:00.000-05:00

J. Edgar is a little confused. He was fine when I brought him home from the animal hospital but now he keeps trying to get his nose to the place where he used to have private parts in order to inspect them. Unfortunately he is just not that limber. He, like me has more the physique of a football player than that of a dancer. You know, thick heavy bones and thick muscle that doesn’t stretch very far (I still have the bones.)

My Little Puppy weighted in at 46 pounds at the vets today. He dislocated my shoulder (It's not that hard to do on me.) when I was trying to get him into the minivan this morning. I got it popped back into place after a bit but it hurts like hell.

I suspect that now that the sedative has completely worn off, he feels pretty sore in that part of his anatomy. Right now he is hopping in circles on three legs while he tries to get his nose under his right rear leg. Under other circumstances it would be comical. Every once in a while he stops and looks up at me as if to ask, "What has happened?"

I really don’t want to tell him.

Uncle Dave

Edgar's Lament

2006-08-30T12:55:00.000-05:00

From the Kennel of J. Edgar Dogg:

You are not going to believe what that vicious mean cruel bastard did to me! He had my nuts cut off! Can you imagine anything so cruel. What in God’s Name would possess a seemingly sane caring person to do such a hideous thing to a poor defenseless animal? I’m suing! I’m going to take everything that man ever owned. I’m going back to all his ex-wives and take back their alimony. His great grand kids are going to be paying off his debts to me when they are old and gray. I’m going to make him suffer like the Children of Israel. I’m going to sneak into his room in the middle of the night and do to him with my teeth what he had done to me with a knife. I’m going to chew holes in all his underwear. I’m going to relieve myself in his laundry basket… the one with the clean cloths in it. I am really, really pissed.

Dat Boy gona be one hurtin’ Homo Sapiens when ah’m done wit im.

No More Mister Nice Dogg, This means war!

J. Edgar Dogg

Puppy Part Removal

2006-08-29T00:48:00.000-05:00

Sorry, I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been a bit under the weather and just not in the mood. I have good days and bad days and more of the later than the former in the last few weeks.

The Dogg is fine but on Wednesday he goes in to the hospital for elective surgery. I have ruminated long and hard over whether he should remain a "Stud" or be made a "Gilding" and finally, "Gilding" has won out. It was not an easy decision. The fact is, J. Edgar has almost no contact with other dogs so the chances of him finding a receptive bitch to impregnate are pretty remote. On the other hand, that may not always be true and I need to have him ready for a more mobile cosmopolitan life style. According to people I trust who should know (My wife Laurie "the Vet") he will live a longer happier life with out the parts they will be removing Wednesday morning. I know, logically it’s the best thing for him. I am certain that if he understood what was about to happen to him, he would kill me in my sleep to avoid it. Were I in the same situation I would do no less.

In any case, wish him luck and a swift recovery.

Uncle Dave

"Bad Dogg!"

2006-08-15T12:29:00.000-05:00

I knew something was going on when he asked for help finding more pictures of Ricky Martin. I mean, what can a wrinkled nine-month-old puppy want with Ricky Martin pictures. So last night I went to bed early then sneaked back in an hour later to see what he was up too.

There he was typing away in a chat room representing himself as a handsome young human who looked like Ricky Martin. I Yelled at him for a while then I sent him off to bed and put the following message on the chat room forum:

"This is Sargent Wilson Abernathy of Angola State Prison, Louisiana. The person you have been trying to make a date with is an inmate in our sex offender wing here at the prison. Before I caught him illegally using the computer he was to be paroled in two weeks and would have been out there among you. Oh! He is also a balding fat man in his forties and looks nothing like Ricky Martin. You people need to be more careful."

I then cancelled all of the chat room accounts he had set up and blocked the sites so he couldn’t get back to them.

I’ve ordered up a fingerprint verifier that I can use to keep him off the Internet and now hopefully all this foolishness is over with.

The much put upon Uncle Dave

To Blog or Not

2006-08-10T16:19:00.000-05:00

OK, I guess I don’t really need my own blog. Papa says I would have to take care of it myself and that’s not so easy for a guy with paws. Besides, he says he will let me blog here every once in a while if I want, so I guess I don’t really need the other thing…..

Truth is I didn’t get the overwhelming show of support I was expecting from all the readers of the blog. Where are you guys when I really need you.

By The Way, Don't we look a lot alike?

J. Edgar Dogg

To Blog or not to Blog

2006-08-07T14:05:00.000-05:00

I, J. Edgar Dogg want my own BLOGG! Uncle Dave is trying to stop me from putting stuff on his BLOG so I want my own. I don’t think it is asking too much to get my own forum for my very own important thoughts. Just because he owns the house… and the car… and the source of the dogg food doesn’t mean that he can run my life, does it?

Rebuttal: The Dog doesn’t need his own blog. How much can an 8 ½ month old puppy have to say about anything? Besides, he has access to my BLOG (whether I want him to or not) so what’s the problem? And you all know who would end up doing all the house keeping on it, don’t you. The one with the opposable thumbs will end up doing all the work. Do you have any Idea how many spelling and grammar errors there were in that first paragraph? NO! I don’t need the extra work.

Retort: There you go, throwing those opposable thumbs up at me again and isn’t changing my spelling just another word for censorship?

Counter Retort: NO BLOG!

OK, Folks, you be the judge… Should the dog get his own blog? Comments, folks, give me comments.

Uncle Dave VS: J.Dogg

Sharks

2006-08-01T14:34:00.000-05:00

There has been a lot of interest in sharks the last couple of weeks at least partially due to the Discovery Channel running something they call Shark Week. They’ve done a pretty good job so far in balancing there selections between red neck "Kill em All." and politically correct "The Shark is our Friend." The truth of the matter is that sharks are neither monsters nor angels, they are pretty much truly amoral beings. They don’t come on shore looking for humans to eat but if you go out and play in their world and dress up like a sandwich they’re pretty accommodating about adding you to the menu. Sharks do tend to eat mammals they find in the water (Seals, Dolphins etc.) but they don’t seem to have any malicious intent, just a desire for dinner. I suspect they would rather have a nice tuna than a leg of man, but man is easier to catch and he is after all trespassing, isn’t he?

I bring all this up partially because I used to spend a lot of time in the ocean. The South China Sea to be more precise. I had a job that had me working two days on and two days off and on the two days off if I didn’t get out of town my old boss would put me to work like I was his personal servant. It was the military, they can get away with that. Anyway, this took place in Subic Bay in the Philippines and in the mouth of Subic Bay (the body of water, not the town) there was an island called Grande Island that was used as a recreational area by sailors and marines at the base. There really wasn’t much to do there except swim, snorkel or dive unless of course you wanted to sit around all day drinking beer. I loved the first three choices and couldn’t afford the fourth so I spent a lot of time in the water with a snorkel in my mouth. At first I just looked at the wonder of the clear blue water and all the sea-life, but that got a bit boring so I tried other activities to spice up the day. First I got a spear gun and started to harvest langastino (warm water lobsters) which I could trade to the restaurant on base for meals. Worked out pretty well. Sometimes I would take them three langastino and get back one of them with all the trimmings for dinner. This got a bit less appealing and more like work when the chef started demanding more and more langastino for less and less payback. So I stopped bringing him any and started boiling them on the beach for myself and my friends. Much more satisfying.

I suppose I should get to the point about sharks here sometime. In all the time I spent in the water off Grande Island, I only remember a few times that I did-not see a shark or two. Most of the time they were little ones, I actually speared and ate one about 18" long once but most of the time they were way to big for me to contemplate messing with. You just don’t offer to sword-fight Zorro, especially when you are on Zorro’s home turf. The closest I came to getting injured by a shark was when I brushed against a six footer (I think it was a Mako as it was pretty thin) and got the equivalent of rug burns from it’s rough hide. I think it wanted the octopus I had just speared and I would have given it to the shark had I been able to get my spear out of it. About that time I ran out of air as I was free diving and I had to surface to breath. When I went back down the octopus had extracted it’s self from my spear and gone on its way and the shark was nowhere to be found. Just as well. I must admit that this all took place a few years before the movie Jaws came out or I might not have has such a cavalier attitude about the sleek gray fishes.

So, when you see all the stuff about "Devil Fish" in the movies remember, if they were truly devils, they would be sneaking around your back yard eating your puppy.

Uncle Dave

Doggy Diet

2006-07-28T20:32:00.000-05:00

J Edgar Dogg had pretty much cleaned out the dogg food bunker so here I was a little after mid-night in the checkout line buying a couple bags of Lamb and Rice Formula at Wal-Mart.

We were at a standstill waiting for a price check, or maybe it was an manager’s OK for a three party check on an out of state bank when this middle aged female in a real obvious blond wig behind me in line made the mistake of asking me if I had a dog. Here I am with two twenty pound bags of kibbled and she wants to know if I have a dog?

I thought about it for a couple seconds and decided that so far my day was a bit to boring and I needed to spice it up just a tad. So I told her that no, I was starting "The Lamb and Rice Diet" again, although I probably shouldn't as I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I had lost 50 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes going in and coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to carry a good supply of the nuggets with you all the time and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. I also told her that the food is as close to nutritionally perfect as you can get so I was going to try it again.

By this time there were more people in the line and they all seemed to be hanging on every word of my story, especially the guy in farmers overalls right behind the woman.

I stopped talking then and after a long pause during which the woman got first a very quizzical than smug look on her face, she finally asked why, if the food was so perfect had I ended up in intensive care? Was it poisoned?

I said no, the food was really very good for you.

She said, well, than what happened?

After hemming and hawing around about it for a while, I finally told her I had been setting in the Wal-Mart parking lot licking my testicles when I got run over by a pickup truck.

Everybody in the line except the woman in the wig cracked up. The guy in the overalls just about split um wide open laughing.

Uncle Dave (The late night shopper)

War Tools

2006-07-27T16:26:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about the World Wide War on Terror and what we need to do a better more humane job of conducting it.

What I’ve come up with are:

New Tools for a Changing World.

A new tool we need to successfully conduct a war/invasion/police action/altercation is a small, durable, dependable, accurate lie detector that can be easily operated by the average soldier. It must have no complicated parts and require not special environment in which to operate. Something along the line of a relatively small, single piece device that can be strapped around the head of a bound man in the field. When the person/prisoner is asked questions the unit would both detect that they understood the question then verify whether or not the answer they gave was truthful. Based upon the results of the interview he or she will be let go, held for further interrogation, imprisoned as an enemy combatant or killed on the spot as a spy.

Another useful tool in this endeavor is the camera ball that floats 12 feet above the heads of the patrol as they make their way through the streets of the enemy city. It takes continuos videos in 6 overlapping directions so as to make it possible to back up the story told by the soldiers about how they had first taken fire from the man that they just shot in the back of the head as he dropped his weapon and tried to run away.

A long-range stun gun like a sniper might use that would stop/stun but not kill.

Incapacitation device like a bracelet that would make you sleep until it was removed and would knockout anyone trying to disable it or move the wearer. (A replacement for handcuffs.)

Force Field/Personal Shield. A unit that would keep bullets and explosions from affecting an individual who is wearing it.

Antigrav (Not Air Driven) hovercraft that wouldn’t set off mines.

Better mine detectors and removers. Could be based on improvements to technology used for metal detectors.

Damping field that would freeze/knock out everyone in a specified area when activated. This would be to cover a large area such as the vacanity of a courthouse or military base that might come under attack.

Microwave field that would make bullets and explosives blow up when they enter a certain area. The idea being that you warn everybody to leave their arms and explosives at home than you run them through a sally port equipped with this device that sets off any explosives killing only the carrier of said explosives.

These are just some ideas that are based on logical premises developed from years of experience in military and High Tech arenas. I can’t say how most of them would work but I believe they are all possible in the near future.

Uncle Dave

The Solemn Disapproving Stare

2006-07-22T14:12:00.000-05:00

J. Dogg is behind my chair trying to make it spin around with me in it. He likes to do this but I wont let him actually make it spin as it makes me dizzy and the centrifugal force makes me bump into the computer desk and bounces the keyboard and trackball all around.

I've been working on one of his pictures to try to make it look better (You know a good "Head Shot") but all I can seem to achieve is a very stern looking dog. I never seem to get him when he is laughing or even smiling, he doesn’t mind having his picture taken, but he wants to control the attitude he portrays. I think he wants to be an actor but what he really wants is to direct.

J. Edgar wants the "Head Shot" because he says he has an agent lined up and they asked for it. Of course he hasn’t told me who the agent is, or where he/she is or to what end they are representing him. I mean, is it "Acting" or "Modeling" or voice overs (He has perfected a very empressive VERY DEEP voice since his parts developed) or maybe he wants to be a solider of fortune. I don’t know. I’m just the father, obviously the last to learn of the wondrous design of the great "J.Dogg."

Anyway, here’s the picture.

Uncle Dave

Good news

2006-07-21T23:12:00.000-05:00

I had a doctor’s appointment today at the VA in Birmingham. It was with my Primary Care Physician Dr Moates. I like him. We end up talking about everything under the sun and he never tries to get me out as quick as possible like some of the other doctors. Today’s off the subject discussion was his truly twisted and unnatural love of paisley ties. Of course I did feel a little uppity, sitting there in a pair of Carhartt overalls and a Mensa tee shirt dispensing fashion advice.

He went over the results of the stress test that I took a month ago that I got the bits and pieces of information about at my last appointment. I feel much better now. I’m not sure why, nothing has changed from what I was told last time, but he tried to evaluate the information revealed by the test and give me some idea of what it all meant and what I can really expect to have happen health wise in the near future. Basically, I am not in any immediate danger of dying. There is damage to my heart and it will effect my ability to do things. OK, It will slow me down, or has slowed me down, but the damage is not as bad as it sounded and the results are not as life altering as I thought. One side of my heart has lost 40% of its pumping power not 75% as I thought and the other side is only slightly enlarged.

What it really means is that I should not, invest in any lifetime memberships or multiyear subscriptions to magazines.

I got that it is very important that I do better at controlling my blood pressure and blood sugar, and that I try to stay away from stress. So you guys should try not to stress me out. I’ve scheduled a talk with J. Edgar Dogg for tomorrow morning on just this subject. When he went to bed he was mumbling something under his breath about life insurance not being as good an investment as he thought it was.

The doctor even thinks I may be able to get the sinus surgery I need, after-all.

So the big plans for travel are back on, just with a new stretched/out laid back time line.

I feel much better now.

Uncle Dave

Religion Alert!!!

2006-07-20T12:12:00.000-05:00

The following is for the most part an answer I sent to my niece who sent me a prayer by e-mail.

Hi Jaime,

It's great to hear from you.

Honey, I love you very much and there is not much you could do to change that, In Fact, there is nothing you could do to change that. I would however appreciate it if you would not try to change my opinions on religious matters.

I have the luxury that few people get of knowing pretty much when I will die. When that happens I will find out about if there is or is not an "After Life." I’m not able to make a determination at this time due to total lack of evidence so I have to work from logic, the only system that has not failed me over the years.

Logic says that due to the total lack of evidence of an "After Life" that either it does not exist or that it is totally separated from the life we know on this plane of existence. I will admit that I am hoping for the totally separated, New Beginning sort of "After Life" that most religions preach. Logic says if it does exist, in all probability what we are and what we do after death will not for the most part be based on what we do in this life. I don’t mean that what kind of life you lead here won’t be reflected in what kind of life you will lead there. I’m pretty sure that an earthly jerk will be a heavenly Jerk and that while Hitler, Stalin and Attila may be forgiven there past sins, they won’t be put in charge of the heavenly day-care-center. You know, Ken Lay won't be the Treasurer, that sort of thing.

My point here is that living a good life and developing an honorable character is a lot more important than adherence to a set of beliefs that says that your way of thinking makes you better than a person with another way of thinking.

The bottom line is that in the global game of "My Imaginary Friend (Jesus, Buddha) is better than Your Imaginary Friend (Mohammed, Krishna)" I choose to not believe in Imaginary Friends. I also believe that this will not adversely affect my chances of getting into "Heaven." Should there be a "Heaven."

What this also means is that I love to hear from you and send lots of pictures of Sammi but please don’t send me prayers.

Uncle David (Sammi's Great Uncle)

I Like Comments

2006-07-17T12:47:00.000-05:00

I like Comments! They are how I can tell if anyone is reading what I put up here, But please try to be civil. It’s important to me that communication comes from a basic respect for other people. What I mean is that if you disagree with me, that’s good but don’t denigrate me because I have an opinion that differs from yours. If you can’t find a way to say something with civility, please find another forum. If you have no idea what I am talking about, it’s probably because I remove the more obnoxious comments before most viewers can see them. And that is as close as I will be getting to censorship…ever.

Back to my stuff now.

I wrote a while ago that I was planning to go on the road. That is still the plan, but a somewhat long term plan not something I will be doing in the next month or so. I have to wait until the government makes a determination on my status as a "Service Connected Disabled Veteran." The simple fact is that if they do not find in my favor, I will not have enough money on an ongoing basis to do any traveling. With gas at $2.75 to $3.00/galllon I can’t go far and won’t be able to afford to eat once I get there. There are few if any sure things in this life. We all have heard of Death and Taxes but "Gas Prices Will Rise" is probably pretty safe as another.

I have contemplated less expensive methods of travel and while some sound very interesting, my physical limitations rule most of them out.

Picture if you will a Honda 650 Nigh Hawk Motorcycle with a hitch welded on the back pulling a 500 pound utility trailer hauling a tent, camping equipment, my cloths and J. Edgar Dogg’s crate. To me, that’s right up there with Along Came Bronson as far as adventure, but when you try to picture the fat man who hasn’t the strength to throw his leg over the bike much less ride away into the sunset, it loses a lot of its allure. I love the concept, it’s the actual performance where it all falls down.

The second fantasy in line involves the mini van I drive and a trailer small enough for me to pull it with said van. I have found a trailer that fits the requirement on paper, but I worry that it might be pushing the edge of the towing capabilities of my van and the co-existing capabilities of J. Dogg and myself. 8’ X 16’ is pretty tight living quarters for an old man and a very rambunctious dog. This one still has possibilities but uses at least 3 times as much gas as the motorcycle based gypsy caravan.

Next in line is building a trailer of my own design that weights less and is more "visually interesting" than a commercially produced trailer. While this one is actually the hardest one to do, it produces the most mental stimulus and just plain mental fun of any of the other proposals. Not a practical application, but a great way to stimulate my mind and my need to design. I have pictures and plans!

What will in all probability be the mode of transport for my great adventure is a larger commercially built trailer pulled by a much larger tow vehicle than I currently drive. This is of course based on my getting the VA Disability and of course the corresponding larger amount of monthly income.

We shall see.

Uncle Dave

Inevitability

2006-07-13T13:11:00.000-05:00

This is a bit of a departure for me. This is not my origional material and even though I am not a "Bush" fan I think it is certainly worth considering.
-------------------------------------------------------

About the time our original 13 states adopted their new constitution, in 1787, Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years prior:

"A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship."

"The average age of the worlds greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, these nations always progressed through the following sequence:

1. From bondage to spiritual faith;

2. From spiritual faith to great courage;

3. From courage to liberty;

4. From liberty to abundance;

5. From abundance to complacency;

6. From complacency to apathy;

7. From apathy to dependence;

8. From dependence back into bondage

"Professor Joseph Olson of Hamline University School of Law, St. Paul, Minnesota, points out some interesting facts concerning the 2000 Presidential election:

Population of counties won by: Gore: 127 million;?

Bush: 143 million;

Square miles of land won by: Gore: 580,000;

Bush: 2,427,000

States won by: Gore: 19;

Bush: 29

Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by:

Gore: 13.2;

Bush: 2.1

Professor Olson adds:

"In aggregate, the map of the territory Bush won was mostly the land owned by the tax-paying citizens of this great country. Gore's territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in government-owned tenements and living off government welfare..."

Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the "complacency and apathy" phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy, with some 40 percent of the nation's population already having reached the "governmental dependency" phase.

Pass this along to help everyone realize just how much is at stake, knowing that apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom.

PS . If the Senate grants Amnesty and citizenship to 20 million criminal invaders called illegals and they vote, then goodbye USA in less than 5 years.
----------------------------------------

Uncle Dave

The Spare

2006-07-10T11:38:00.000-05:00

It was raining up on Look Out Mountain one fine Saturday morning and I needed groceries so I loaded up (Well actually unloaded) the old VW bus and headed for town. As I was coming up on the intersection at Noccalula Falls I heard a pop and realized my left rear tire had gone flat. I pulled into the gas station at the intersection and got out to get the spare. Of course I realized then that I had no workable spare as I had noticed when taking it out this morning to make room for groceries that it had a large bulge on the side and was not likely to hold air much longer. Besides, I was ten miles down the mountain from where I had left it.

Thinking of who might come to my rescue on this cold wet Saturday morning I came up with my nephew Sam, so I gave him a call. Sam arrived in about twenty minutes with the grin that is perpetually found on his face and I thought how good it is to have family around when you need help. Sam couldn’t keep himself from pointing out that if I had a spare I wouldn’t have had to drag him away from watching Saturday morning cartoons with his daughter Hannah. I allowed as to how I was sorry and I really appreciated his coming out to help his poor old uncle. We discussed the options for a bit and decided that since the other tires were all new I should get another new one to replace the blown one.

Sam went to work jacking up the van and removing the tattered wheel. We put it in the back of his pickup and went into town to search for a like replacement. Once the new tire was purchased and mounted on the rim we headed back up the mountain and reversed the process to get the wheel back on the bus. While Sam was re-mounting the wheel I was standing up in front of the van and it wasn’t until he was letting it down off the jack that I realized what I had been leaning on… It was the vinyl cover of the spare tire mounted on the front of the bus.

Uncle Dave

A Restaurant Review of the Roadkill Café, Bait Shop and Tanning Salon.

2006-07-09T02:13:00.000-05:00

The Restaurant or, more precisely, The Place of Business is situated in a building that formerly housed a gas station and garage. The seating area is in the open bay that used to hold cars being repaired. The kitchen is in the machine shop. There is still a hint of burnt motor oil in the air and when you walk over the areas where the oil pits used to be, there is a hollow sound to your footsteps. Above the kitchen area is where the tanning beds are located. It is where they used to store tires, hoses and fan belts. Behind the counter in the front office area is where they have the bait and lobster tanks.

The matre’de is wearing coveralls with a red bandana hanging out of his back pocket and he speaks with a pronounced southern accent. His fingernails are clean but he has a two-day growth of beard and the name "Jose" above the left pocket of the overalls. The application of well worn $5 bill to his palm means we’re seated at an intimate little table near the window of what was once a large garage door, now poorly disguised with planters full of slightly dusty plastic plants. Our waiter "Mike" (I know this because it is stenciled above the pocket of his blue work shirt) quickly approaches with a wine list and a pitcher of ice-water. I suggest "maybe later" on the wine list and he brings out an old chalkboard with the daily specials on it. We have: Fried Rabbit (Taken by blue 67 Ford Pickup on Hy77 near Rt11 at 8:35 this AM), Deep fried Alligator bits (From the Coosa River just below South-Side by the blade of an Evenrude 225hp at noon yesterday), Doe Deer Tenderloin in wine sauce (Somewhere on Sand Mountain by Ms. Story’s Crown Vic sometime this morning)… And the list goes on, but I’m sure you get the picture.

We choose the deer for a main course and for sides we took wild steamed polk salad and fresh corn-on-the-cob. The waiter brought back the wine list and we choose a nice Tennessee Valley Red I know to go well with venison. The garden salad was excellent with a nice light soy and vinegar dressing and the recurring pallet cleanser is a wonderful wild persimmon sorbet with just a hint of ginger, The vegetables are excellent and the dessert we decided on (blackberry mousse with vanilla ice-cream) is very good as well.

The only surprise of the evening was when one of the tanning beds had a short circuit and sprayed sparks all over the dinning room. There was some disruption to the service when the paramedics came to take the tanning customer away to the emergency room, but all in all it was a very pleasant meal.

On a scale of five I would give it a solid 3-½ stars.

Uncle Dave

Dogg Report

2006-07-04T01:52:00.001-05:00

So the old guy with the white fur (Well, mostly no fur at all) is sleeping again and he hasn’t put anything on the blog for a while so I will.

I’m J. Dogg and I run this place. If not for me nothing would get done around here. I’m the one who makes all the decisions, does all the work and keeps things running. Oh, he does some stuff, like the cooking and the laundry but I do all the important stuff like deciding what to watch on TV and surfing the "Net" till all hours of the night. I beat him in most video games too. Not bad for a guy with no opposable thumbs. I type faster than he does too. I think I probably have more friends than him as well, at least as far as my my-space account shows.

Actually, the old guy is not doing too well at the moment, his chest hurts all the time and it seems everything he puts in his mouth gives him heartburn. He won’t see a doctor unless he absolutely has too. And another thing. There is never enough money for everything I need around here (I’m still waiting for that bumper pool table) even the basic necessities are in short supply. He actually buys my dog food at Wal-Mart. Can you imagine that, Wal-Mart for Christ-Sake? I mean, no body should have to put up with that.

He does try though, I mean he could just leave me locked in my room all the time but he gives me the run of the house pretty much all day unless I do something he really doesn’t like, such as pooping in the wrong place. I just can’t understand the human fascination with bodily functions, I pooped behind his easy chair once and I thought he was going to drown me with that squirt bottle. By the way, I really hate squirt bottles. There ought to be a law against those things.

Anyway I got stuff to do and e-mails to answer so I'm gonna put this on the blog now.

J.Dogg

Stuff

2006-06-28T20:57:00.001-05:00

So, here it is a week! I haven’t written in a week and I feel the need. Yes! The need to communicate. I don’t have anything in particular to say but I feel the need to say it anyway.

Years ago when I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, I was the president of the local Mensa group for a year . As such, I had to write a monthly column and get it to newsletter editor in a timely fashion for publication. This was probably the hardest part of the job for me. I was working and in general taking on a lot more than I was able or had the time to do. This meant that the column always came skidding in just under the wire or in this case over the wire from my modem to the Editor’s modem. JoAnne was always good about not goading me to get it in on time but I always suspected she must be wondering if I would come through. One of the problems that came from this was that on occasion during that year I sent out words that I would eventually have to eat, or at least I would wish I could eat. That’s what happens when you write first and think latter. I still do this occasionally but not so much now that I am in my fifties as I did in my thirties.

I am planning on going on the road as soon as I am able, but right now I need to stay put until a few things get settled. One is my application to the VA for Service Connected Disability Status, and another is getting rid of a whole bunch of "Stuff" that I don’t want or need. The "Stuff" ranges from a group of about 100 antique cameras to a 1988 Cobra Motor Home.

Did you ever get the feeling that you were owned by your "Stuff" instead of you owning it? I feel that way and have for quite a while. I had the cameras put off on a friend who was going to sell them on e-bay but he never did and he finally sent them back to me at a cost that may well have exceeded their value. I’m getting a mental picture of an albatross hanging from my neck. There is no way in the world to tell a friend that you don’t want them to do something for you that they consider a mitzvah and you consider an addition to your problems.
Dave and Charlie, the two good friends who did this were being wonderful friends for shipping me the cameras (and I love them for it) but in reality they have inadvertently added to my burden at a time I really didn’t need any more "Stuff" to have to deal with. I should have made that clear to them, It is my fault for not doing so.

Oh well, I think I have gripped enough for one day.

Later folks,

Uncle Dave

Death and Taxes

2006-06-21T19:48:00.000-05:00

So, today I got to see some VA doctors down in Birmingham. It was not fun. Seems my heart has a fair amount of dead muscle in it and one side is getting bigger than the other. In case there is any question in your mind, these are bad things. You can’t regenerate muscle and once it is dead, it doesn’t get any better. I have way to many other problems for them to consider a transplant. Because of the heart problem they probably won’t be able to fix the nose problem (I‘m having trouble breathing through my nose) which means I may never get a decent nights sleep again. And the HITS just keep on coming.

My long-term plans just got to be a bit shorter term. No more waiting to do anything. If I can do it now, I will do it NOW! If I can’t do it now I will not count on ever doing it.

I think, I would really like to travel a bit more, I’ve been all over this country many many times but I haven’t stopped to look at it as much as I would like to have. I think I want to go see the Grand Canyon and Devil’s Tower and maybe Mount Rushmore. I want to go spend some time with my kid and feed bread to ducks. I am going to take a lot of pictures but first I want to look at whatever it is I want to take the picture of. I am going to have some unequivocal fun. And right now, I am going to go play with my dog.

Bye for now,

Uncle Dave

Cuba

2006-06-19T15:33:00.000-05:00

I may be unique in at least one respect. Well maybe more, but in this case I speak of having been in both Guantanimo Bay, Cuba and in Havana, Cuba in the same year. The reason this is so rare is probably evident to most of you, but just in case it is not, I will explain.

Guantanimo is an U. S. Navy base and Havana is the Capitol of the most Militant (at the time I was there, the only) Communist Country in the Western Hemisphere.

How this came about was that I worked for a Canadian company at the time and they had dealings with both the U. S. Navy and the Swiss Embassy in Havana. Actually, both had bought the same make and model of Telecommunications equipment and I was in each place working on similar problems on two identical systems. The trip to Gitmo was because I was the only person in my group who had filled out the paperwork to get a Secret Clearance when the group manager had handed it out to us. This was a difficult but mostly unremarkable trip to set up a new system.

The second trip was because I volunteered. Specifically, I was on a teaching trip to Bell Northern Research in Ontario when a request was made for an engineer to go to Havana to repair the very piece of equipment I was training people on. As both the most qualified person and the only person willing to go I got the job. It was kind of interesting in that I could not as a loyal U. S. Citizen go to Havana, but as the holder of a Canadian Green Card, I could. They got me the Green Card in record time.

The really interesting part came because of the choice of days. If you are old enough, and interested enough you will recall that in 1983 President Reagan started the only war he felt that he could win. The Great Nation of the United States of America attacked Grenada to free it from the oppression of its left leaning government. It was a very quick war, over in a mater of hours, and most if not all of the solders killed were actually Cuban Army personnel sent in to bolster the left wing Junta that had taken over the country.

This is important to the story in that it meant that the Cuban people were really PO’ed at the U. S. and of course, where was I that day? Having completed the work at the Swiss Embassy I was out walking around trying to see the sights of Havana. I don’t think the blond hair and blue eyes set me apart so much, but that residual Texas accent could certainly have led to my demise. I was setting in a café eating pork and fried plantains, trying to impress a pretty waitress with my broken Tex-Mex Spanish when I noticed something interesting on the TV. As soon as I ascertained what had happened I paid the check and hurried back to the Embassy where they made some quick arrangements and gave me a very fast ride to the airport in a nice old Lincoln with Swiss flags on the front fenders. They took me right out on the tarmac to the next Swiss-Air flight to leave Cuba. I got a free trip to London but stayed only long enough to catch a flight back to Toronto. Once back at BNR I requested to be able to go home and was on the next available flight back to the states.

When my last flight got me back to Atlanta where I was based I was invited to have a conversation with some somber looking fellows in dark suits. I told them everything I saw and did and they admonished me never to do it again without actually defining exactly what "it" was. At that point I was very happy to be allowed to go back to the relatively boring life of an applications engineer and vowed to myself to "Never Do That Again."

Uncle Dave

Over the Top

2006-06-15T01:19:00.000-05:00

The Drivers around here are beginning to drive me up the wall. They either ignore lights stop signs and common courtesy completely or they take the signs way to literally. It bothers me when someone runs a red light, but it really bothers me when they stop at a stop sign jump out of the truck, set up a Cinzano umbrella and two lawn chairs and start mixing mint juleps.

Da Sign Say STOP! It Don’t Say "Forsake all hope ye who enter here."

My Family is not long lived; both parents died young and my little brother went just last month. I do not have time for the moron in the jacked up truck in front of me to figure out that he can make that left turn before the golf cart coming at him in the far distance can get there. Develop some intestinal fortitude, "Grow a Ball!" You are not showing how safe you are, you are only angering the ‘crazed’ Viet Nam Vet behind you.

I sometimes fantasize about having an invisible UFO follow along above me when I drive so when some complete waste of skin in a jacked up Bronco who has lost touch with the fact that he/she is not the only person on the planet, does something maddening the UFO can zap them into oblivion. I realize that there will be some consternation among his/her friends and loved ones at his/her mysterious passing, but they will get over it and the world will be a little better place for their no longer being in it. Of course when I screw up the all knowing UFO will realize that it is just an anomaly and let it pass.

Gee, I feel much better now.

Uncle Dave

J. Edgar Dogg's Great Adventure

2006-06-10T17:28:00.000-05:00

J. Edgar Dogg is a 7 month old puppy who lives in the woods of Alabama with a pet human that he has named Uncle Dave. He likes Rap Music, TV (mostly Animal Planet,) dog food, chewing on carpet, chewing on wood, chewing on Uncle Dave (well, just gumming him really) and playing on the computer, particularly, chat rooms and e-mail.

This morning J. Dogg had a new idea for something interesting to do. He has been watching a lot of shows on TV about the wild animals of Africa. Being very smart but not as knowledgeable as he thinks he is, J. Edgar assumes Africa is nearby and he wants to go there and see it for himself.

Part of the reason for this is Lions. He has seen a lot about lions lately and he thinks he bears a more than passing resemblance to them. He is after all a Shar Pei and his ancestors back in China were known as "Lion Dogs" so J. Dogg wants to visit his roots.

It would do no good to try and explain to him how many ways he is incorrect in these assumptions as 7 months in a puppy is equal to about 13 years old in a human. As we all know 13 year old boys are not known for accepting their limitations or being told they have it all wrong. That puberty thing hits them about the same as it does human boys. He’s not going to be rational for several months unless I get him a little elective surgery… but we won’t talk about that now.

So today J. Edgar Dogg will do something totally out of character for him and when he sees the front door open he bolts for freedom. Now under the best of conditions Uncle Dave is not what you would call spry, in fact he is pretty much the opposite of "spry." This means there is little he can do when J. Edgar heads out. So he hobbles out on the porch and watches as the Dogg runs off across the grass heading for the woods.

Run, Run young dogg, run like the wind… "Bonk!"

Did I mention the J. Dog is a little nearsighted? In the house he runs into things a lot, stationary objects, moving objects, doors, walls, pretty much everything. And now he has hit a tree, well a sapling really but it was wood and hard and he has bumped his head and is whimpering like a little baby.

Uncle Dave gets his cane and the leash and goes out across the grass to the edge of the woods where in J. Edgar’s current condition even UD can corral the wayward pup. He leads him back to the house where there is a little trouble getting him inside as he is a little too wobbly to negotiate the steps by himself so Uncle Dave has to lift him up onto the porch and then climb the steps himself to get them back home. Once inside and unleashed J Dogg goes into his room and lays down on his bed to nurse his wounds, the bump on his head and the bigger wound on his ego. The grand visions of rejoining the pride pushed far back on his to-do list for the time being.

In a while he comes back out into the living room and starts playing with his rubber ball and when the front door is opened he hides behind the easy chair until it is once again safely closed.

J. Edgar Dogg (As told to [and witnessed by] Uncle Dave)

Just Stuff

2006-06-07T01:50:00.000-05:00

My nephew Dale’s son, Jon is getting cuter every day. I might not think so, so much if I had to change his diapers and put up with bad dreams and such but when all I have to do is bounce him on my knee and make him laugh he is the perfect baby. Being able to go visit him greatly improves the quality of my life.

I just figured out that I put out over $400.00 for gasoline in the last month. Those trips to the airport in Birmingham can really add up.

I voted yesterday. It was the primary election so I just voted on whom I want to run in the general election but I felt like I did my duty as a citizen.

Today is my Brother Ray’s Birthday. He would have been 54. I’m thinking B-Day Party! Or at least I take him out to lunch. It certainly would be a cheep enough celebration. Ashes don’t eat much. Might creep out a waitress or two but what can they do? I can see the Headline now "Man is ejected from eating establishment for taking his brother’s ashes to lunch." Like I don’t have enough drama in my life already.

Oh! We (Ray’s real friends and myself) are having a wake for Ray this week. We intend to enjoy the memories of him as he was and not try to recreate him as something he was not. I’ll pass on a report after it’s done.

I finally got all the necessary documentation together and turned in to try to get the VA to reconsider my request to have my disabilities deemed "Service Connected." If they relent, my life should get to be a little easier. I shall cross my fingers and think positive thoughts.

So, that’s all the news from Chastity Lane for now.

Later,

Uncle Dave (Ray’s big Brother)

The Dogg Report

2006-06-06T11:23:00.000-05:00

J. Edgar has taught himself some new tricks. I have a water bottle that I use to spray him (It’s better than the Pepper Spray) when he doesn’t mind me, like when I tell him to go back to his room. Now when I point it at him he flops down on the carpet and plays dead. Sort of like I shot him. It’s cute in a very creepy sort of way.

He also has figured out that I wont squirt him if he goes into his crate (The Puppy Cage.) So now, instead of going to his room he slips in there until he thinks I’m not looking and then he comes back out and starts bothering me again.

By the way, about his room, you know the place I send him for punishment. Well, it’s got cable TV, a stereo, a DVD player with ever dog movie from Lassie Come Home to Benji, an AirBed, a full sized pool table and a Baldwin Grand Piano (He wanted Baldwin not Steinway because of the Renner Action) which, by the way, he never plays anymore. Now he’s begging for an air hockey game but that’s just not in the budget this month. Anyway, my point is… How is this punishment?

Other new tricks are; changing the settings on my computer chair so that when I sit down it sinks to the floor or tips over backwards, Changing all the presets on my TV so all I get is Home Shopping Networks, The Cartoon Channel or Religious Programming and last but not least, He drools on everything. We’re not talking water here, we are talking about thick viscous stuff that large insects and small rodents get stuck in. It can’t be removed by anything short of an industrial steam cleaner. Oh Yah! I almost forgot, he has decided that the perfect place to take a nap is my recliner. I can not figure out how he reaches the lever to make it recline but he does.

Other than all that we are getting along fine. He misses Ray a lot, (they used to go back in his room and shoot pool and talk about me behind my back), but he seems to be getting over the loss without too much "Acting Out."

I have other projects to work on today so that’s all for now.

Uncle Dave (Ray’s big brother)

The New Guy

2006-05-31T11:20:00.000-05:00

When I was at my last command in the Navy (Miramar Naval Air Station, San Diego, California) they sent us a new guy. His name was Leonard and he had come to us from Mayport, Florida. He was about 6’-4" and weighed less than 150 Lbs. Girls liked him… A lot. I never quite understood why.

The chief brought him out to my office about 10:00 am one morning and said "We got an FNG for you, Don’t Kill him and eat him like you did the last one."

I felt his remark needed a response so after he left I said, "That chief, he’s got such a sense of humor, I don’t care what he says, we never ate that last guy."

At this, Leonard’s ears perked up and he started glancing around the room as if looking for an escape. Just then Peter Seat came up the stairs (Think..LineBacker) and blocked the only door making that escape impossible. Leonard turned to me and I saw the look of a virgin sacrifice that was not really up for the honor. I saw that he had a coffee mug in his hands and feeling the need to reassure him I pointed to the coffee pot and said "It’s not to bad today, there’s a knife by the pot cut yourself off a chunk. He goes and pours himself a cup of coffee, doctors it up to his liking comes back over by my desk and sits down at the workbench.

About this time Nancy Jean comes in crawls up in my lap and starts nibbling on my ear. She only does this because the first time she did it it totally freaked me out and now two years later she is still trying to recreate that reaction. Leonard sees this and is obviously having trouble comprehending what exactly is going on so he moves down to the far end of the workbench, turns away and starts looking intently at something on the other end of the room. Nancy asks me (in a stage whisper) "Who’s the cute new guy?"

I said "That’s Leo…from Mayport."

We had a tradition of re-naming people in the workcenter. I was Uncle Dave, Nancy was Midget, Peter Seat was Hawk Man and so on and so on.

Nancy Jean instantly saw Leo as a challenge. She climbed up on the workbench and walked down to the end where he was sitting and started nibbling on his ear. I think he jumped high enough to hit his head on the ceiling. While everybody was rolling on the floor laughing, Leo headed for the door saying he had to go to personnel to take care of paperwork.

Leo had left his coffee mug sitting on Nancy Jean’s workbench half full of coffee. This was a mistake, a big mistake. Nancy Jean repaired electronics on that workbench and she kept it cleaner than the counter of her kitchen at home. Leo was doomed.

When he came back his cup was up on the highest shelf above the workbench and when he went to get it, it had been filled so full of water that he soaked himself taking it down. He did not learn. He sat it down on the workbench and went to dry off. When he came back she had planted a dandelion in it. Still, no progress. He dumped it out and sat it in the same place and went to lunch. This time when he came back he could not at first find the mug at all. Eventually someone pointed it out to him where it sat behind a large expanded metal grill covering the air-conditioning unit at the end of the trailer. (Did I mention my office/workshop/dayroom was in a large trailer?)

The grill was held on with 60 machine screws all of which had to be removed in order to remove the grill. Someone handed Leo a small screwdriver and he went to work. When he had taken out about half the screws Nancy Jean went outside and down to the end of the trailer where the AC was. She opened the big access door and in plane sight of Leo reached in and retrieved his coffee Mug. Nancy Jean came back inside and gave Leo the lecture on how we always clean our coffee cups and hang them on our hook by the coffeepot after using them and we never leave them on Nancy Jeans workbench… EVER!

Leo took it pretty well and Nancy helped him put the screws back in the grill so all in all it wasn’t such a bad beginning for the New Guy.

Uncle Dave

2006-05-30T23:07:00.000-05:00

Well, I put the last niece and nephew on airplanes home today. My daughter went home on Sunday and a sister and brother went home to Missouri, Saturday afternoon. It’s just J. Edgar Dogg and me now and it’s nice to be able to pad around the house in my underwear again. I think J. Edgar will miss the extra attention but I’ll try to make it up to him as best I can.

I took all three of my brother’s children out to breakfast this morning. The son who lives here and the two I shipped home hadn’t seen each other in some time. I guess the physical strain has gotten to me a little more than I realized, when I tried to get up from the table at the restaurant after breakfast I fell and was not able to get up. After wallowing around on the floor for quite a while my two strapping young nephews got on either side and lifted me to my feet. I was never so happy for help in my life, but the fact that I live alone now scares the hell out of me. That would not be a situation where J. Edgar would be of much help. Dogg slobber lends nothing positive to a fall.

I found out how to get a death certificate today. They were, like everything else associated with death very expensive. The county gets a lot to make a copy and stamp it as official.

Well so much for morbid and strange for now, I think I will go get some sleep.

Uncle Dave (Ray’s Brother)

2006-05-25T02:31:00.000-05:00

There will be a memorial service for my brother Ray this Saturday Afternoon up on Sand Mountain at our sister Marlene's place. With this much of my family in one location at one time I am worried about murder being done, But what can you do?.

The picture is Ray's Grandson Jeremiah. He lives with his Mom Terra and his Dad Matthew on Whidbey Island, Washington, Where Matthew is in the Navy.

I'll try to get back to writing after the weekend.

Uncle Dave

Really Crappy Day

2006-05-19T00:14:00.000-05:00

To me the concept of a BLOG is to write about what is happening to you, and about what you remember, and about that to which you aspire. This time you get an amplified list of the rocks that hit me in the head today.

I woke up feeling like "hammered crap" because of the delayed effects of my chemo drugs (Take em on Sunday they take your legs out from under you on Wednesday or Thursday…)

I went to my appointment at the Vets Service Office in town and found my rep would be on vacation until the 30th.

I went to lunch and had a great burrito that I couldn’t enjoy due to the nausea from item one above. I liked the burrito enough I thought my little brother Ray would probably like one to so I got one to go and took it over to his place for his lunch. I don’t pop in on him much so this was a little out of character for me.

When I got to the shop where he lives there were two fire trucks out front with lights whirling away. When I got to the back where my brothers room is, there he was laying on his back on the floor with six paramedics gathered around him trying to get his heart to beat. They were not successful.

My little brother, whom I had fought with and for for over fifty years, had had a massive MI and was dead. I followed him to the hospital and waited for an hour while they tried to resurrect him but when I talked with his doctor, he told me Ray was probably dead shortly after he hit the floor.

Everything after that has been in a kind of blue haze. Telling a lot of people who I love and that loved him that Raymond is gone. Dealing with the details of bureaucracy involved with a death in a society that doesn’t want to think about it. Signing a host of forms and answering a host of questions necessary to authorize organ donation. They asked if they could have all organs or if there were any he didn’t want donated. All I though of was to suggested they might not want to transplant the heart.

After the shock had worn off a little I decided we had just "Parted Ray Out" You know, like when your old Chevy throws a rod and rather than try to fix it you just sell all the parts until there is nothing left but the shell. They told me Ray’s parts would help at least 50 people. I think he’d be proud, I know I’m proud of him. Tomorrow I have to deal with cremating the shell. A few weeks ago we had a discussion where he told me where he wanted his ashes scattered. I will see that it is done per his wish. The boy really didn’t ask for much.

Raymond James Cramer June 7, 1952 to May 18, 2006

I’ve run out of steam and shall end this now with the thought that He was the one who was supposed to take care of me when I die.

Uncle Dave

Intelligent Design

2006-05-15T17:14:00.000-05:00

Sooooo! I think I just figured out a way to tick off both sides of the question.

I believe in Intelligent Design!

I just differ mightily about who the designers were. I think they were not God or Gods, they were just honest hard working terra formers trying to make use of a vast resource of undeveloped planets.

Evolution was part of the design. If they were smart enough to design all this, they were intelligent enough to make it able to improve it’s self. They didn’t build a set of artifacts, they built a self sustaining Eco-system. A system that in my opinion can sustain it’s self through Global Warming, Ice Ages, Earthquakes, Volcanoes and if necessary Nuclear Holocaust.

Change is one of the few things that is truly inevitable. It-Is-Going-to-Happen. These guys had to know that. They would obviously have planned for it.

Whoever they were, I take my hat off to them and I hope I am still around when they come back to take charge of their little science project. (Yes, little, in the grand scheme of things we aren’t that big a planet.) Unfortunately I suspect that’s not going to be the case as I think the oven-timer still has a while to run. At least a couple million more years or until we have learned how NOT to fight with one another and how to work together toward common goals.

But if by some chance I am still around, everybody will be able to tell which one is me, I’ll be the fat guy with the great big "WELCOME BACK" Sign.

Uncle Dave

Bureaucracy

2006-05-12T01:49:00.000-05:00

Today I went to the courthouse to talk to someone at the State Veteran’s Affairs Office. Once that was done I registered to vote. And finally I went in to the DMV Office to renew my Drivers License.

Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? I didn’t need to take any test on driving or even an eye test. I just had to give them $23.00 and they gave me a temp license, the real one to be mailed to me later. This was the point where things took a turn for the worst, or at least the weird.

Between the license I got on entering the state back in 1994 and now I had had cataract surgery on what was essentially my bad eye. After the surgery the visual acuity in that eye had gone from 20/80 to 20/30. This is not an unusual occurrence as cataract surgery is just replacing your clouded lens with a nice clear plastic one. So quite often your vision improves. Mine did.

In any case I asked the logical question of what do I have to do to get the corrective lens requirement removed from my license. The response to the quire was somewhat disproportionate to the question. I suppose I must be the first person to ever ask. The obvious answer would be: "We will give you another eye test and if you pass it we will take the restriction off the license. This was not what they finally came up with. It took them 15 minutes and 3 phone calls to decided that I will have to go back to the doctor who did the surgery and get him to write a letter stating what surgery he did, when and where he did it and what my vision was after it was done. They also required a statement that I no longer needed to wear glasses of any kind.

I told them that the cataract surgery was done in Seattle and I didn’t remember the name of the doctor who did it, and I pointed out that I still have to wear reading glasses as my near vision is still pretty bad. They didn’t care, they had their rules (that I think they had made up on the spot) and they were sticking to them.

About this time I realized that my blood pressure was about to boil over so I turned around and walked away. The young man that I had been trying to deal with would not accept my leaving as he was not finished showing me who was boss. After yelling at me to stop he sprinted to the end of the counter and ran to catch up with me. This is not a very difficult task, catching up with me, as I use a cane and don’t hobble very fast. Once I realized he was coming after me I stopped and he put his hand on my shoulder and turned me around. I think at this point he realized that I was in some distress and that he had screwed up.

I told him that I had a bad heart and was leaving to forestall another heart attack and that by putting his hands on me he had committed assault. He turned white (quite a feat considering he was African American) and decided to back up a few steps. I told him I was within my rights to take my cane and beat him with it, and that I would do so but for the fact that I would fall over without it to lean on. I then suggested that he get back behind his counter and I left.

I guess I will just hope I don’t get stopped by any policeman who notices that I’m not wearing glasses.

Uncle Dave

Roadkill

2006-05-09T12:44:00.000-05:00

Among the places I have lived was Brown County, Indiana. It’s the only place in Indiana with forested hills and beautiful foliage in the fall. Oh Yah! They have a ton of deer too.

Indiana, like most states regulates when and how you are allowed to kill these deer. They have a bow season, a black powder season, a rifle/shotgun season and the really big one… the motor vehicle season. The first three seasons happen from late September to February and bring out what seems to be thousands of game wardens whose primary job is to make sure that no one is trying to kill a deer with the wrong weapon at the wrong time. This would be a most thankless job as the laws governing the taking of deer are based on anything but logic.

The situation is that there are probably a couple hundred thousand deer in the state and nowhere near enough food for them to eat. So while the game warden is arresting some guy for killing a deer with a slingshot during pitchfork season there are deer out devouring farmer’s corn crops and many are still dying of malnutrition.

This brings me to the fourth deer season, the one that does not require any intervention by the much-overworked game wardens. This would be the motor vehicle season, also known as the car season. It goes from January to December and takes about twice as many deer as all the other seasons combined.

Now to the point!

One fine spring evening, it was a Friday I think, I was heading back into Brown County from Bloomington when I spotted a deer running out of the woods to my right. He was about to run across a road full of traffic. I saw him but the guy in front of me didn’t. He proceeded to take out his own right front fender and one large male deer. He pulled over immediately and I pulled in right behind him. I checked on the traffic and then the driver and found him shaken but not injured. We both went back to inspect the deer. I won’t go into his injures in great detail but suffice it to say he would never walk again. He was obviously in great distress and as I was about to retrieve my pistol from the car to end his suffering he let out his last breath and went wherever deer go when they die. This put the young man who hit him in great distress and I sat him down on the tailgate of my station wagon until he got his wits back about him.

I should explain here that I was at that time a Reserve Deputy Sheriff and had actually had a class on how to handle this sort of thing. I talked to the driver a bit. Seems he was a grad student at the university in Bloomington who was heading home to Toledo, Ohio for the weekend. We checked out his car, making sure it could be driven and I gave him instructions on how to report the accident at the Sheriff’s office. This was for insurance purposes, as Indiana does not consider culling the heard a crime.

I got him to help me load the deer into the back of my wagon gave him my contact info for his insurance company then I took the battered Bambi home.

My wife and I were eating "Roadkill" for the next six months. It was really good "Roadkill."

Uncle Dave

Skates

2006-05-07T06:32:00.000-05:00

My Last 2 years in the Navy I got a little to "comfortable" to really be in the military. I was a first class petty officer (E6) in charge of a work center that took care of aircraft simulators In San Diego. In the process of trying to find a couple of very elusive bugs in the equipment I went on mid-shift for a week. We found and fixed the little devils just after I got to work Thursday night and the following mostly unrelated conversation took place on Friday morning…

It’s 0800 and I’m sitting at my desk in the trailer we used as a work center office. I’m sucking thick brown liquid from a big mug. The Admin Chief who is my immediate superior walks in and congratulates me on fixing the bugs. I tell him I was just watching, the techs did the work. He brings up another subject.

Chief: "You know you’re currently the senior man on mid shift and I was wondering if you saw or heard anything unusual last night?"

Me: "Such as?"

Chief: "Well the fire watch from the front of the building reported that he heard what sounded like people roller skating in the back hall all night last night."

Me: "Were there any marks on the floor when you inspected it this morning, because I thought the cleanup crew did a great job of waxing and buffing this morning?"

Chief: "No No! The floor looked fine, I’m just investigating what the fire watch reported."

Me: "Yes, I understand, we are after all, a military organization and we can’t be having military people having indiscriminate fun, after midnight, around here."

Chief: "No, I guess not. Well let me know if you hear anything about it."

At this point I lean back in my chair and put my feet up on the corner of my desk. Those would be the feet with the roller skates on them.

Me: "I’ll keep my eyes open, chief."

The chief looks at the roller skates, then at me and walks out of the trailer slowly shaking his head.

I went back to my coffee and paperwork.

Uncle Dave

Tanks

2006-05-05T15:47:00.000-05:00

So this doctor comes into a scrapyard and he’s looking at some big plastic barrels. He asks one of the workers about them and is told that they wont fill his need but he should go inside and talk to the counter man as they might have something else that will work.

Counterman: "Hi Doc! What can I do for you?"

Doctor: "I’m building a cabin out in the woods and I need some barrels to use to rig up a water system."

Counterman: "Well I got these big white plastic 200 gallon water containers out back that would work but they’re pretty pricey."

Doctor: "Well, maybe we could work out a trade."

Counterman: "Maybe, what sort of Doctor are you?"

Doctor: "Plastic Surgeon."

Counterman: "You should go in the back and talk to my dad, he’s got a new girlfriend and she is looking to increase her bust size."

The Doctor goes in the back there’s a conversation and after a while he comes back out.

Doctor: "Load em up."

Counterman: "So, what kind of deal you make?"

Doctor: "Tanks for the Mammaries!"

Uncle Dave

Philosophy

2006-05-03T16:33:00.000-05:00

You learn interesting things from miscreants.

Such As! Some women say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. This is not true. The way to a man’s heart is with a Ka-bar from just below the sternum upward at a 40-degree angle to the hilt and pivot the blade to his left.

Now, I've never needed this information for any action I may have contemplated taking personally, but knowing that this is the way your opponent thinks gives you an edge in dealing with him.

I spent time while I was in the military as an Armed Forces Policeman. We weren’t detectives or traffic cops or the guys to go to when you’ve lost your dog. We were the guys tasked with keeping solders, sailors airmen and marines out of trouble when they were on liberty in various foreign ports. It’s not the same as the Military Police (MPs) or Shore Patrol (SPs) or Air Police (APs) we were the guys that told those guys where to patrol and what the local rules were. Also, we were the ones they called when there was something to big for them to handle. We had guns, they didn’t, although most of the time we depended on nothing more than a night stick and our wits to keep the troops from hurting themselves too much.

I found that many times our biggest problems came from overzealous MP-AP-SP personnel assigned to us. As in the time we got a call about a riot at a bar in an area of Subic City called The Jungle. It was an area we told the fleet to stay away from and a place we seldom ventured unless asked. This time we had no choice as one of our Shore Patrol teams had gone where they were told not to go and were in the process of getting their butts whooped. The desk sergeant on duty sent two vans out to gather up shore patrol to take to the fray and I gathered up the available MPs and SPs from headquarters and headed for the last van. When I got to the vehicle I found a SP in my seat in the front of the van I told him to get in the back and he wanted to argue about it as he thought he outranked me. I wasn’t in the mood to argue so I figured I could set him straight later. I jumped in the back and we headed out for The Jungle. These vans are normally used as prisoner transports so the back cannot be opened from inside, therefore I told the Shore Patrol in my seat to remember to let us out when we got where we were going. I told him again when we got to the scene of what looked to be a pretty wild riot… all to no avail. The moron jumped out of the van and ran into the fray wildly swinging his nightstick, while we in the back of the van set helpless to do anything but curse. A very long ten minutes later someone opened the back of the van to put in some prisoners and we all piled out on top of him. The fighting was over. I went into the bar and found the moron bruised and bleeding and he jumped up and started yelling at me for not backing him up. It took all the fortitude I had not to kill him on the spot. I took his stick and his SP armband and made him ride back to HQ in the back with the prisoners.

Most of the way home I imagined scenarios where I had him drawn and quartered or court marshaled or just took him back to one of the cells and beat the living crap out of him, but when I took him out of the van he looked so beat with all the cuts and bruises, I just sent him back to his ship with orders to send us a replacement and instructed him to "Never"come back again.

All in all, it wasn’t such a bad deal. I didn’t have any lumps, bumps or bruises and I had lost no blood at all. I had barely broken the crease in my uniform. I suspect that that van stunk of testosterone to a much greater degree then it ever had before or since, but that would be expected.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Uncle Dave

Armed Forces Police

2006-05-02T12:04:00.000-05:00

I was in the Navy a long time ago. The Navy is where I learned computers & electronics, which is what I did to make a living after I go out. When you go into the Navy you are initially trained in a specific rating or "job" and like most I assumed that that would be the work that I would be doing. This was not necessarily so.

When the repair ship I was on pulled into Subic Bay in the Philippines in late 1971 we had been at sea for a couple of weeks and everyone who could, got off the ship as soon as possible. I chose not to as I had heard about "amateur night" and seen it’s effects in Yokosuka Japan so I was bundling up my cloths and heading for the laundry mat an hour after everyone else had headed for town.

The flaw in my logic was that sometimes the Navy assigns you to work that you are not trained for. I was just about to head out for wash-ex when my boss catches me and tell me to go back and get into uniform as I was drafted.

I was sent on a "Temporary Assignment" to Armed Forces Police duty, my penelty for being the slowest man in my division off the ship. By training I was a Data Processing Technician and by edict I was a cop.

What I didn’t know at the time was how this little side trip on the road of life would potentially change my life… forever. For the next several weeks I learned how to keep sailors and marines on liberty from doing things that would change their lives, forever, and how to stay alive while doing so. I was surprised to find I really enjoyed it.

I got a lot of interesting stories from this period of my life and I will try to pass some of them along through this Blog. But for now, consider this a start.

Uncle Dave

Country Cuisine

2006-04-30T14:16:00.000-05:00

I haven’t had any really good escargot in a coon’s age. It disappeared from the Waffle Barn a couple of menu updates back. I asked Jethro, the manager, about it and he gave me some line about getting a bad review in the "Swap and Shop" and deciding to concentrate on their "Core Competencies" for a while. I asked if that ment Possim and Coon Stew was comming back but he just looked at me like I was making him uncomfortable so I let it drop. I think losing the escargot had more to do with the customers getting creeped-out seeing snails crawling across the sidewalk outside and on the menu inside.

It probably isn’t practical to keep an item on the menu for just one customer, but I do miss it. It was such a good excuse to eat toast points dipped in garlic butter, and it went so well with the mountain oysters.

I guess I will just have to go back to biscuits and gravy for now.

Uncle Dave

Lucky

2006-04-27T23:40:00.000-05:00

I may have mentioned before that I have lived in a lot of different places. I don’t know if this is a cause or an effect but I have also been around when several natural disasters have occurred.

Three of the most powerful earthquakes to happen in the last twenty years have happened where I was. I’ll be more specific:

October 18th 1989 I lived in Hayward (East side San Francisco Bay) and worked in San Francisco. I finished work early that day, crossed the Bay Bridge and headed south on Hwy 880. I got home just in time to open a beer turn on the TV in my room and watch the end of the Pre-Game show for the first game of the World Series. At about 5:oopm it hit. The world started rolling like tug boat in a gale causing a small tsunami in my water bed which tossed me to the floor where I was just in time to catch the (Thankfully Small) TV as it fell off it’s stand. That was pretty much it for my personal part of the excitement. I got the heck out of town as soon as possible.

January 17th 1994 4:31 in the morning I was living in Los Angeles when the same waterbed had another tsunami. This one hit at a different angle and I didn’t fall out of bed, but I did have to jump up to deal with a couple of terrified Shar Peis who had no clue what was going on. A lot of stuff was broken, again, time to move on.

February 28th 2001 10:30 or so. I was living in a Town House in Kent, Washington (Just south of Seattle) when that same old feeling hit me again. It was a gentler rolling this time but it seemed to keep going for a much longer time. It gave me a lot of time to contemplate where I was and what was happening. I was on a "Down Week" from Bell Labs which is why I was at home instead of off some where working. I had just got out of the shower and was standing in the hallway between the bath and the bedroom holding a towel and nothing else. This time I was just looking at the waterbed with the waves crashing back and forth across it. I couldn’t leave town for a while, my wife was very ill and her doctors were there.

Now the Loma Prieta (San Francisco) quake was a 6.9, the Northridge (Los Angeles) a 6.7 and the Nisqually (Seattle) quake a 6.9 although at the time they told us it was a 9.1

The cost of these three quakes was over 52 billion dollars.

OK, So, Here is the question… If I take this story to the Governor of Alabama and offer to move away from the state for some as yet undisclosed sum of money, would this constitute an attempt at extortion?

Uncle Dave

Grumbling

2006-04-26T16:43:00.000-05:00

Here I am staring at the blank page again. I wonder what will come out of my need to communicate with the outside world today?

I don’t get out much these days. This is partly because I’m dealing with a couple of debilitating diseases and partly because I am living on very little money. Actually there’s a third element that kind of puts the last nail in the coffin. Gas is almost three dollars a gallon. So even though it is true that there is always stuff I can do that costs nothing, none of these things are close enough to get to on foot. These circumstances produce a very effective combination that precludes my going out and doing stuff. This month is also tighter than normal because I am paying off a trip I took to California in February and the fact that I bailed out my younger brother from one of his little scrapes with the law. A truly thankless job in all respects, but he is family.

I have an important project to complete/or at least keep going in the month of May. I have tried to get my disability declared service connected by the VA such that I can keep getting my medical problems treated by them. They turned me down about a year ago and I have about a month left to dispute their findings. So far my detective work has been pretty much fruitless in that I haven’t been able to find official records that show I was ever in Viet Nam. I do have a couple of people who were there with me who can state that we were there but the official record says otherwise and there are people pretty high up in the military who don’t want this boat rocked. This sounds a lot more cloak-and-dagger than it really is, but as mundane as the reasons are, the effect is the same… I’m screwed. I am told by people who should know that what I need here is tenacity. If I stick to it and keep on trying I will eventually win. It doesn’t feel like it to me, but I’ve been wrong before and it’s not like I have a lot of choices, this is literally Do-or-Die.

Oh well, I’ll let you know how it is going,

Uncle Dave

Food and Congratulations

2006-04-23T14:43:00.000-05:00

Well here we are. I have no idea what I am going to write about today.

I just had a great Sunday dinner, maybe I could talk about that.

First, I got a frozen chicken breast out and set it to thaw in my frying pan. After an hour it had just a little section in the middle that was still hard so I dried it off with paper towels and set aside on the cutting board. After cleaning the water out of the pan, I turned on the heat and put some butter in to melt. I next seasoned the chicken with coarse black pepper, garlic powder and Old Bay seasoning (both sides of course.) When the butter was sizzling I turned the heat down to just below half speed and put in the chicken. Two minutes on the first side and four on the second side. While it was cooking I scrubbed a small sweet potato and nuked it for four and a half minutes. When the chicken was done I let it rest for a few minutes then cut it up into bite sized pieces. When the sweet potato was done I cut it in half lengthwise and put in a generous amount of butter. To drink with my meal I had a 32-oz. glass of water. I salted nothing although there was some salt in the butter and in the garlic powder. I am now looking at the plate with only a sweet potato skin and a little melted butter on it and remembering how much I enjoyed eating it.

You might deduce from my description that food safety is not a high priority in my life. You would be correct. More specifically, I don’t fear food. Primarily, I think that a judicious application of high heat will kill most of the things in a piece of chicken that might hurt me and I do wash my hands a lot as well as clean my cutting board ever time it touches raw meat.

Later I plan to have a can of spinach, dried heated and mixed with a little béchamel sauce. Also a can of smoked oysters. Heck of a supper!

J. Edgar gets dry dog food. Not exactly exciting but healthy and as that’s all he ever gets, he doesn’t know to complain or ask for something else.

My sister Marlene is graduating from college this Friday. She will have a bachelor’s degree in Electronics Technology. I am very proud of her; she is the first and only family member of my generation to get a degree. She has worked hard and sacrificed much to get to where she is.

"WELL DONE!"

I have to end this now, the Dogg wants to check his e-mail.

Uncle Dave

Tulia

2006-04-21T17:43:00.000-05:00

My Home Town is and will always be Tulia, Texas. I’m not sure why, I wasn’t born there, I didn’t live there all that long and I doubt I will ever live there again but it was my childhood home and the place I think of when someone asks me where I’m from.

It was the first place I remember always feeling safe. Where I knew if I got hurt there would be people around to save me. Where I learned to skate, ride a bike, drive a tractor and a truck. It’s where I learned how to stack 50lb. bales of hay 6 high on the back of a moving flat bed truck and where I learned how to throw those bales from the ground to the top of that stack. Where I had my first girl friend and got my first kiss. It’s where I lost my virginity. It’s where I learned the value of a dollar and the value of friendship. I learned that it is good to have 20 cousins around when you want to play baseball and where to be when Aunt Betty was baking pies. In Tulia I learned that you really can gain knowledge by listening to old people talk and some of what you learn is what not to do.

We first went to Tulia the summer I was 5 and that fall I was to young to go to school so my younger brother and I stayed home. Mom worked, so we were cared for by an older black lady named Lina who lived just down the walk about 50 feet. She got us lunch and fixed our scrapes and scratches until my sisters got home from school. She was a good part of the reason I felt safe in Tulia. I remember that it bothered me even then when my cousins made derogatory remarks about her because of her race.

Over the years Tulia has picked up a national reputation for being a place where racism is not just tolerated, but accepted. I don’t remember it that way when I was growing up there, but when I visit with some of those cousins now, I do notice they still use words that embarrass me. These are basically very good people who do some bad things. Is it possible to get a good moral education from bigots?

And Now I live in Alabama, The Heart of the South and hardly ever hear an embarrassing word.

Uncle Dave

Bambi

2006-04-20T15:22:00.000-05:00

It was late August 1962 and the family was having a rough time of it. We were living on, and operating, a dairy farm in northern Arkansas and we were just scraping by. It wasn’t that we weren’t making money, in fact we could have lived just fine with a little judicious budgeting. The problem was that J.T. (my stepfather) was an alcoholic and he was losing the battle with the bottle. The upshot was that though there was always money for booze, sometimes there wasn’t any money for food.

I was feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. It wasn’t my load to bear but I didn’t see anyone else stepping up so I took it on myself to feel responsible for feeding the nine hungry kids. I didn’t think any of us could face another macaroni and cheese dinner.

This particular afternoon fate stepped up to bat in the form of an eight point buck wandering across the rocky meadow in front of the house. Under normal circumstance that buck would have been pretty safe as deer season was still a ways off, but these were not normal circumstances. My first thought was to get J.T. to shoot the deer but when I ran into the living room he was passed out on the couch in no condition to operate a dangerous weapon.

I froze just for a second then went for the gun myself. It was a Winchester model 94, 30-30 rifle. I had never shot it but I had shot my 22 enough to know how it was done. I went back out on the back porch and pulled a folding chair up to the railing. I checked to make sure the gun was loaded and the safety was off, I steadied it against the rail and took aim at the grazing buck. My mind went through all the things taught me about shooting by the drunk in the living room and I carefully squeezed off a shot. The deer jumped took two running steps and fell over dead.

In less than an hour we were listening to the sounds and smelling the smells of dear meat frying on the stove. It was probably a good thing too as we were out of macaroni and cheese.

Uncle Dave (at 12)

Again

2006-04-17T21:02:00.000-05:00

Well, while wandering the countryside of North-East Alabama today I found a few more Strange Alabama Animals for your amazement and amusement.

First there is the Amazing Alabama Oreo Pig and then a family of Amazing Alabama Armadillos and finally a Weir Goat.

When I have more time I’ll give you the rundown on their peculiarities and idiosyncrasies.

Easter

2006-04-17T00:57:00.000-05:00

I missed the 16th. It just slipped right past me without my writing a thing. It's not like I had something else to do, I never left the house. I just forgot to write. When I looked outside I saw those roving bands of wild children searching the lawns for eggs and never even considered going out there. They were just to scary to contimplate going out amoungst them. Kinda makes J. Edgar's phobia make sense.

I also suspect the Egg Seeking Kids might have had something to do with what I found in the fridg.

Oh well, I'll try to come up with something else later today to make up for missing yesterday. Maybe I'll go out and look for some more strange animal life like the "Oreo Cows."

Later,

Uncle Dave

Food

2006-04-15T14:27:00.000-05:00

Through out my High School years and after I got out of the Navy I found myself living in Los Angeles, California. For the most part I don’t miss it at all. There is however one general category where LA has it all over The Woods of NE Alabama.

"Food"

For Quality, Availability and Variety of food, LA is about the best there is. The best Mexican Restaurant in the world is "Gardens of Taxico" just off Santa Monica Blvd in West LA. "Canters" on Fairfax is a great Jewish Deli. The Café in the Farmers Market is the best breakfast made and Gulliver’s in the Marina does great Prime Rib. Taj India on Sunset does the best Lamb Curry and for that rare delicacy the "Chili Cheese Dog" Original Tommy’s is the place. For the best "if not most traditional" Pastrami Dip Sandwich you go to "The Jolly Jug" on Peck Road in El Monte. I could go on but let us not gild the Lilly.

Of course everyplace in the country has its specialty: Chicago has deep-dish pizza and Italian Beef Sandwiches, New York has anything from the Carnegie Deli and Italian food from Brooklyn. Pretty much everybody has heard of the Philadelphia Cheese Steak Sandwich, well I bet you didn’t know that the best Cheese Steaks "Ever" come from a little Sub Shop in Middletown, Delaware. Baltimore has Crab Cakes, Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina has BBQ, San Francisco has Fish, Dallas has Steak and New Orleans has "The Court of the Two Sisters."

So, with all this wonderful food abounding throughout the land why, oh why can’t I get any decent Chinese delivered in the woods of Gadsden, Alabama?

Uncle Dave

The Dogg Report

2006-04-14T23:11:00.000-05:00

J. Edgar Dogg is about over his cold; in fact he’s much better. His nose is cold and wet again. He’s running around at top speed getting into everything and he’s eating everything in sight.

He is of course, still, a very strange mutt. I tried to take him out for a walk this afternoon but he refused to leave the house. I believe I may have the world’s only agoraphobic dog. He just hates to go outside. I love the little guy but I really can’t afford a shrink for him.

I guess I could live with him staying inside all the time if I could just get him to flush the toilet. Of course he never closes doors after himself. Yeah, and he keeps drinking all the diet sodas and he never turns off the computer when he finishes with his e-mail. I guess this is turning into a bit of a rant so I’m just going to bed.

Later Folks,
Uncle Dave

Oreo Deer

2006-04-13T21:36:00.000-05:00

So, I was out wandering about the countryside of Northeast Alabama a while back and I came upon a herd of the very rare "Wild Oreo Deer" grazing upon a meadow. I was lucky enough to have my camera with me so I snapped a few shots. I had seen them or some like them some years before but this sighting was very unusual because they are becoming more and more rare and elusive every year. This is because we are having a resurgence of another wild animal, the giant "Pit-Wolf-Coyote" which, unfortunately, likes to feed on Oreo Deer.

The Pit-Wolf-Coyote is a very unusual cross breed made up of the three animals from which it gets its name; the Pit Bull, Timber Wolf and Coyote. They’re about the size of an Irish Wolfhound crossed with a Rottweiler and they have the disposition of a Tasmanian Devil. It is a truly formidable beast.

There is one strange and as yet unexplained anomaly that is common to most of the attacks on Oreo Deer by P-W-Cs that has the Wild Life Protection Community completely baffled. It seems almost every time a slaughter site is found all of the deer are left in the same manner. Apparently only parts of the carcasses are eaten. The middle section of the deer is completely devoured but both the front and aft end including the legs, head and tail are left completely intact.

Uncle Dave

Stuff

2006-04-12T23:25:00.000-05:00

I think J. Edgar Dogg may be sick. He’s really warm and he’s drooling like an 80-year-old dementia patient, but he still has the presence of mind to sink his teeth into my arm just to hear me scream. Ornery little beast, maybe I'll put a shot of Sriracha in his water dish.

I got an e-mail from an old friend today. We worked together (Well Actually I worked for him) in the Navy in the early 70s’. He is going to be on vacation here in Alabama early next month and we are going to meet and talk about old times and what has happened to us in the last 33 years. I guess I have changed a bit since I left the U.S.S. Samuel Gompers in 1973. I mean, I weigh about 80 lbs., more than I did, My hair is a lot thinner then it was, and I am a lot easier to get along with then I was. As significant as they are those probably aren’t the biggest changes in my life. I won’t go into what that means right now, as Tom may be reading this and I want to have something to talk about when he shows up.

My nephew Dale has found me my very own web site so I may be moving this Blog yet again… but not for a while.

Well, it’s late, I think I will go to bed now but at least I wrote something today.

Uncle Dave

Protection

2006-04-11T08:24:00.000-05:00

The following is an Excerpt from an April 11th 2006 News Article.

"PORTLAND, Maine - Spurred by growing evidence of a link between domestic violence and animal abuse, Maine has enacted a first-in-the-nation law that allows judges to include pets in protection orders for spouses and partners leaving abusive relationships.

In helping pets, advocates hope to help battered women and others who aren't willing to abandon their animals to be saved themselves."

OK! What about Us? I no longer have a woman in my life (This is not a complaint, just a statement of fact,) I do however have a dog and upon occasion I need protection.

Where’s the law that says I can get an order of protection from him. When can I get a document telling him that it is not acceptable to gnaw on my hands or jump up on my belly and land claws first or lay my forearm open with his razor like little claws? Of course there is the problem of getting someone or something to read it to him in his native language. No, I haven’t taught him to read yet; (He’s only 5 months old,)

I suppose you could say I should get rid of him, but, as I’m sure many of you know that would be impossible. I love him too much for that and I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me it’s always an accident. (Sound familiar?)

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for the pets of Maine it’s a good first step, Now if someone could only find a way to teach violent people that an order of protection really means what it says…

I guess the moral of the story is that it wouldn’t do me any good to move to Maine.

Uncle Dave

Burnt

2006-04-10T01:32:00.000-05:00

This morning I was planning to go over to my nephews house for lunch when J. Edgar decides he wanted to go too so he could play with his cousin "Cramer" (Thats cousin by adoption.) Cramer is a Crotchety old Grey Dachshund with a vicious snarl and third degree rug burns on his belly.

I did not think he would make much of a playmate. However it was a cool overcast day and Dale, my nephew has a great big back yard with a solid fence around it, I figured "Sure" what could possibly go wrong. So off we went.

While I was eating lunch, talking with Dale and playing with Jon (Dales 6 month old son) the sun came out the air warmed up and J. Edgar started burning.

Shar Peis are unusual in that they have Very light skin and they sun burn easily (Unlike Dachshunds who are dark and could not care less about the sun.)

The dogs had been playing a game we shall call "Stalk the Cats." This game consists of the dogs slinking through "Tall Grass" (Maybe 14 tall) and flopping down on their bellies until a cat wanders by at which time the dogs leap to their feet and bark like mad. This of course thoroughly annoys the cat.

Now cats are smart and soon they see whats going on and decide to turn the tables on the dogs. Now while the dogs are laying in wait for the cats a cat sneaks up on the dog from behind and pounces on him causing him to yelp loudly and Leap 3 feet in the air. A cat would not like this if it happened to them, but my dog thought it was great fun and wanted to play some more.

This is the point where it starts to get really hot in the back yard. Cramer comes up to the house, gets a drink and plops down in the shade. The cats climb the fence, walk down it to a part that is in the shade sit down facing the yard and laugh quietly at the dumb dog that is lying in the tall grass waiting for one of them to stroll by.

Everybody gets it but Edgar.

When I see that hes frying I go out and try to get him to come in but as with all dogs he manages to stay just out of my reach. After a short time (OK, Maybe not such a short time) I realize I am frying my own bald head and go back to the shade by the house.

Sometime after I have cooled down from the heat and sunshine I have a thought. I went over and started talking to Cramer. What was said was not important, but that Edgar saw me talking to another dog was important. As soon as Edgar saw us he came running over and started nuzzling my leg and trying to get my attention. This made hooking him up and taking him home much easier.

Once home I tried a small experiment. I took J. Edgar into his room closed the door and turned off the light. I swear that dogs face and head put out more lumens than his "Lassie Come Home night lite." There was something strange about the experiment though, there seemed to be another source of light in the room but try as I might I never did find it.

Cheers,

(Glow in the dark) Uncle Dave

California Trip

2006-04-09T19:00:00.000-05:00

I had to go to California a while ago on short notice and had no one available to take care of J. Edgar Dogg while I was gone.

With no other choice available I put him in a kennel for the few days I was gone. "A kennel" or as he put it "Doggy Jail."

When I came back he was not a happy puppy. He glaired at me all the way home, he wouldn't walk on his leash, and I sware he got several prison tatoos while he was in there. "H A T E" across the knuckles of the left paw and "L O V E" across the knuckles of the right, and a little tear below the left eye.

Now, he's on the computer all hours of the night and he's running up my phone bill with long distance calls to god knows where.

I'm at my wits end.

I've tried locking him in his room at night but he picked the lock and I woke up with him with his front paws on the edge of my bed, he was growling at me.

Anybody out there who has delt with this sort of problem before is welcomed to offer advise.

Uncle Dave AKA "Frightened in Alabama."